i truly cannot tell if my writing will ever be above average anymore, and i always feel like my friends are just trying to be nice when they compliment it. i think i will forever feel like i am just trapped in one compact spot, not moving in any type of direction...y'know what i mean? also, a sort of random thought, but just because it contributes to my sadness; i miss baseball so much. i know it will be back soon, but this time of year where i end up jammed between holidays and waiting on film awards season is the absolute worst. whenever i get to see my boys again, i always end up so stressed for the smallest reasons, but it brings me so much joy to see them thrive, and get to interact with my friends on here in fun little discussions about it.
anyway, i sincerely think that someday, i will recognize some goodness in myself, but as of right now, i see no difference between the present time and when i could barely even make a coherent paragraph in middle school. well, if that makes sincerely any sense at all.
thank you for listening to whatever this was! ryrat 🤪😔✌🏻
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