Before us...

Chapter Twenty Six

A few weeks had passed and still they had not spoken a word to one another. It was beginning to dawn on the two of them just how much they had begun to rely on the other to just be there. For the little things mostly, having a near perfect relationship beforehand. It was odd how quick it had begun, how easy it had been to trust, to care and to love for one person so much. It was terrifying how quickly it fell apart, the long separation beginning to weight on each of them as the days passed. It had been too long since they had laid eyes on one another. Lila was beginning to feel it. The loss, the loneliness, the emptiness she had not felt in months was returning and she wanted to see him, desperately.

But a promise had been made. Milo was not yet ready, or he would have called. She knew what he had done for Jensen, she knew he was trying to make things better, to atone for the mistakes he had made but she felt in the dark. Like she had been locked away in a faraway darkness that clouded her vision, preventing her from seeing. Seeing how he was doing, from being able to use her voice to tell him how proud she was that he was trying. It stopped her cold every time she would pick up the phone, eager to hear his deep tone that soothed her every time. It stopped her from everything because she knew it was her turn to give him time, she spent that time hoping he would return to her as the Milo she knew.

Everything else had become mechanical. It was as if time moved slower, purposefully tormenting her with the never- ending spin around the face of a clock that resulted in nothingness. Her movements were laboured as she placed product after product on the shelves at the store, her time behind the counter seemed endless and her less than sunny disposition was beginning to worry Grace who had often found herself raked with a desire to say her peace. She never did.

Zar would look at her with pity when they would sit together in front of the T.V to watch whatever happened to be on, too aware of the missing human he had grown fond of. It was cold, like only a ghost was left. It scared Lila how much their current separation haunted her. Had she become too reliant on him after being alone for so long? Was she weak for wanting him by her side after how he acted? Was she an idiot to trust him when he said that he loved her? Many questions raked her brain, but no answers were shaking up, much to her disappointment.

The answers she desired were with him. Milo had found something that he believed he was an idiot to not have found before. After his conversation with his father, which was now a weekly thing with both of his parents, he had begun a search for someone to talk to. Someone who was not Lila, or even Jensen or Nathan, but someone who was happy to sit with him in silence if that was what he desired that day. It was how they had spent the first two sessions anyway. Their third session was different. It was his third week alone, his third week of simply going to work. Working and then coming home to an empty, lonely space. It was the third week of desperately wanting to see her, but it was also the third week of feeling like he had not yet achieved enough to of earned that right back. It was the third week, maybe half-way through their session when he spoke his first words.

"I don't know what to say." He had said, pathetically. His therapist, Dr Thompson, had chuckled at that; it was something he heard often.

"Most people start with why they're here, or what's on their mind." Dr Thompson had suggested. It was baffling to Milo how two things could be so complicated.

"I'm ashamed." He confessed, averting his eyes from the keen doctor's stare.

"Of what?" Dr Thompson pressed, preparing his pen for notes.

"A lot." Milo stated simply, wishing to be anywhere else. His therapist nodded his head slightly.

"When you think of this, shame, you feel.... What is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it a particular event? A person?" He prompted, gesturing with his hands too much. Milo sat silently, thinking deeply.