Before us...

Chapter Two

It is amazing how completing such a mundane task such as going to Grace's Grocery Store could make one feel like one has conquered the world. The completion of simply chatter with a sweet woman can make you feel so accomplished, like you have just finished first in a race, when you have little to no human contact during the day. Lila felt like she had grown comfortable in her secluded area of the world and although she did miss the life she had, filled with friends and family, parties and pay checks, she felt an acceptance of herself that she had not felt in almost a year. Like she had reached a place of comfort that could allow her to move on in her life and overcome her past. It is amazing how something so simple and so frequent a household task like this can lead you into such a calm mental state. It was the normalcy she thought, that the process of grocery shopping had created a structure she never needed before.

She would leave at the same time every week, walk the same walk, buy the same things and say the same simple sentences to Grace. And yet despite the initial anxiety she would feel before leaving the house with Zar on that Sunday morning, the sense of calm that she felt now standing outside with her bags of food holding the lead attached to that same impatient pup was worth it. The feeling of accomplishment informed her that she was capable of being okay again. It informed her that she could get there if she kept heading forward. And with that thought she started the walk home.

Zar led the way along the slowly filling street, sniffing as he went, eager to pick up anything and everything he could, slightly pulling his owner behind him as his focus was entirely on the ground. Lila however, for the first time decided to take in her surroundings with a more focused eye. Deciding to take advantage of the feeling of ease growing inside, she was taking her time with the journey home today.

Her eyes scanned the mass of autumnal trees to her right, admiring the great embodiment of serenity they cast alongside her. The bright light from the now risen sun shone through, creating a beautiful arrangement of thin and thick pictures of black shadows on the path ahead and behind her as she walked, embracing her in an awakening chill as she looked to the opposite and busier side of the street, as the other pedestrians were seeking the comfort of the welcoming warmth of shops and café's that allowed a short break from the September morning.

Onwards Lila and Zar went, turning right at the end of the path and across the brick bridge that hovered over the still flowing waters of Saratoga Lake. The patter of the Dog's little paws was drowned by the swooshing of the calm waters below as they walked slowly across and continued onto the left side, near more of the bustling streets that ran throughout Saratoga Springs. The calm Lila felt wavered slightly at the sight of the early rises going about their Sunday morning routines much like herself.

A flock of cars were parked in every available space on each side of the road; parked and abandoned by the church goers and shoppers alike.

Quickening her pace slightly, she carried on, eager to avoid the flood of people who would shortly be released from the large, decaying church that stood at the centre of town and carried on her route home. The idea of being caught in a swarm of people eager to get home to enjoy their last evening of freedom before the Monday morning blues rolled in gave Lila and, thankfully, Zar the encouragement to reach the small, bluebell bungalow they called home.

You must understand that although the feeling of comfort and calm had settled on Lila concerning the town of Saratoga Springs, the same cannot be said for its residents. And although the town is the quietist, she had ever seen it, that had not been the case a few months ago when a sea of visitor's swooped in for their summer vacations. The inability to leave the house during that summer due to the loud boisterous voices of young men and women enjoying life out on the lake; they reminded her too much of how much fun she had during her summers home from Columbia when she would travel with her friends and party without a care in the world. She thought that enjoying herself, not having a care in the world and taking every opportunity that came her way to have fun would leave her without regrets when she embarked on her next adventure as an adult in the adult world.

She was right in a way. But now being around people who acted how she acted then terrified her and made her think of him. He who lived life as if nothing mattered to him, like she did not matter and now she avoided the things that she once lived for.

Now she enjoyed the quiet, which so often surrounded her as much as it could. But even she could not ignore how lonely she was becoming. Perhaps that is why she enjoyed Grace's so much this morning, it was sinking in that the pup currently pulling her willing self past the packed church may not be enough to satisfy her need for company.

Taking deep breaths, she lowered her head, no longer caring about the scenery and pushed on home. Only a five-minute journey to go. Four minutes. Three minutes... two... She turned the corner onto her street, the blue house in her line of vision. So was the sight of a little girl walking with her father towards her. She had seen them before; they lived just up the street from her she remembered. Focusing on them may have been the worst thing she could have done in her current mental state and her lack of focus on Zar meant that when he pulled away from her, she dropped his lead and had to chase after him down the street with her bags of food hitting against her legs repeatedly.

Zar charged straight at the little girl who was waiting for him and smothered him in hugs and kisses, making his tail swing madly as he perched in front of her, loving the attention.

Nervously, Lila moved closer and grabbed his lead ready to pull him away when her father appeared beside her, too close and asked, " I think I've seen you around the neighbourhood before, hi I'm Nathan and this is Lily. What's your name?"

"Lila." she muttered. "And this is Z-Zar". This caused him to look down and chuckle at his daughter's obvious love for the pup, now laying on his back in front of her.

"Daddy, can we get a dog like this one?" Lilly begged, causing her father to groan before informing her that they had already told her a pet would be too much, causing her to pout adorably and roll her eyes at him. This brought a smile to Lila's face and a scoff to escape Nathan's mouth.

"Alright little miss say goodbye to Zar and thank Lila for letting you meet him" She begrudgingly pulled herself to her feet and hid behind her father before squeaking out a small thanks before grabbing his hand starting to pull him down the street.

"It was nice to meet you, Lila" he said as she tried to pull him down the street whilst Lilly waved shyly at her. She smiled and waved back to them both awkwardly before continuing her journey home.

She felt slightly breathless by the time she got to her front door and slammed it a bit too loudly behind her in anticipation of being in her safe haven once more. She released Zar from the hold around his neck and proceeded to put her purchases away in the cabinets in the kitchen, counting as she went to try and regain the calm she had not so long ago. It had been a while since she had been around a man, in fact the only person she had contact with was Grace in the store and her family over the phone. She felt that she handled it quite well after her time away from the opposite sex, however she did feel slightly light headed.

Zar had perched himself on the end of the rough grey couch situated in the living room waiting for her. He must know that he is needed by her in that moment and he places himself on top her chest when she lays down next to him. Lila silently runs her fingers through the soft thick fur atop his head, before an overwhelming feeling of sadness rushes over her causing her to break down in a mess of tears before burying her head in the warm, soft crook of Zar's neck for comfort. So maybe she was not okay yet, but she was making progress for the first time and that was the start of recovery that she had been eagerly waiting for.