Little Loser Family

Pranks and Games

Fiyero leafed through an old album of his college day photographs and sighed. He wished he could get lost in the memories forever. Go back to those days with Elphaba and their other friends, when all was just fun, games and studies.
***
Nineteen years ago

Fiyero took Elphaba's hand and quietly led her towards Boq and Crope's shared quarters. Elphaba smirked as Fiyero handed her a screwdriver. She unscrewed the hinges of the open door and went inside, hiding behind the bed with a Polaroid camera in her hands. Fiyero supported the door on the door frame so that it looked perfectly normal from outside and joined Elphaba.

A few minutes later, they heard footsteps in the corridor. The door crashed down the moment Boq touched it. Fiyero immediately exploded into gales of laughter as Elphaba snapped the look on Boq's face. It was also a momentous occasion, because it was the first time they had ever hear Boq utter a swear word.

And then there were all those times they had played cards in the foyer, or skipped classes to go on short trips (though Elphaba rarely joined them unless she was free at that point), when he had zoned out in class only for Elphaba to give him a death glare, even studying together in the library...there were too many memories to count. And somehow, they had stuck together, at his side. If that wasn't true friendship, he didn't know what was.

There was one prank he had actually played out of curiosity. Just to hear Boq swear a second time. It seemed so simple now- just a matter of stolen underwear. But he hadn't expected Boq to chase after him clothed in merely a towel. And then ending up sick. Even then, Tibbett had looked at the thermometer and let out a doleful sigh, only for Boq to sit up and say, "Hello? I'm still alive!"

And then there was one evening, a Saturday mostly, since the day after had been a holiday for all of them, when Avaric had taken the gang out for drinks. They were doing shots. Fiyero distinctly remembered almost coughing it out. And once again, the nerdiest ones in the group had shocked them.

Of course, Avaric was relatively unaffected; he was drunk most of the time anyway. But Elphaba turned out to be quite the heavyweight, for she downed atleast a dozen shots before even seeming slightly tipsy. And then, she had acted so flirty and perky that it kind of unnerved Fiyero. But, for him, the best part was getting to carry her home at the end of the night. And then listening to her hungover ranting about her upcoming internship interview over the phone the morning after.

Speaking of which, that interview was probably one of the most iconic ones in Shiz history. He had gotten most of his information second hand, but what he knew sounded so typically Elphaba that he couldn't help laughing.
***
Elphaba walked into the interview room to see Madame Morrible and a plump, balding man with a straggly beard at the desk. Morrible grinned at her in an unnerving way. Elphaba smiled back and curtseyed as she settled down opposite them. Madame Morrible said, "Alright, so Miss Elphaba, this is Doctor Nikidik. He will be interviewing you today. Mind your tongue, or you might ruin your chances. And our reputation."

"Alright Madame. I will not do anything that could potentially jeopardize our reputation," Elphaba replied, and then muttered, "Which doesn't exist to begin with."

"Yes, Miss Elphaba," Nikidik asked, "Were you saying something?"

"No, I wasn't," Elphaba replied evenly.

"So, Miss Elphaba, tell me about yourself. What are your strengths and weaknesses?" Nikidik asked.

"Well...you see, sir, that is one of the most senseless questions that can be asked. Why should I tell you my weaknesses? For all you know, I might be twisting my strengths and telling those as weaknesses," Elphaba replied, relaxing into her childhood mode of speaking.

"Pardon? I didn't quite understand what you meant," Nikidik said, as Morrible glared at her.

"Oh, so you wish that I should speak formal Ozian? Fine then. I am a perfectionist who doesn't take no for an answer. I am determined and passionate," Elphaba said, slightly stiff and internally wincing at the sound of her own voice. She cleared her throat before continuing, "Whenever I take up a cause, I fight for it until the end. So I believe you could call me loyal-"

"Miss Elphaba! Language!" Madame Morrible ordered.

"What language, Madame? As far as I know, and correct me if I'm wrong, the village dialect and Royal Ozian are mutually intelligible. Which means that both of you should be able to understand what I'm saying. And if you don't, then I must say, the brains department in the professional sector is decreasing day by day. It's all becoming so biased, isn't it? Especially now that language is becoming the sole discriminating factor?" Elphaba hissed tauntingly. "What beats me is that, despite having my files, both of you are assuming that I have grown up speaking formally. Well, newsflash: I haven't! My nanny is a common peasant, who practically raised me. She's the one who spoke to me the most, so isn't it natural that I should replicate her speech pattern? For Oz sake, I moved to Quadling Country when I was three, and there, not one person speaks Royal Ozian! I have been homeschooled my entire life, raised in villages, somehow managing to make it through a full education despite living in utter and absolute poverty, and then I come here purely on my own merit, only to see that it is not talent that works miracles, but looks and language! Why, when those rich Ozma Towers beats speak Royal Ozian, it is as if withered saplings take root again! The grass becomes greener, the oxygen levels in the air increase, and for what? Just for an artificial, fake language that is nowhere close to its roots? An imported language, so to speak? Why bother so much about something so seemingly inconsequential, when there are bigger problems at hand?" Elphaba breathed deeply before switching languages and continuing, "Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care so much? Maybe I do. Maybe some of us just have bigger things to think about. Maybe some of us have seen what poverty and suffering really looks like. Maybe some of us have the true privilege of being able to actually work towards something that we aspire for, on our own steam, without other people spoonfeeding us at every step. And I must say- I feel lucky and grateful to be one of those people. Maybe you wish to reject my based on my appearance, and that is fine by me. I was born this way, and there are people who can see beyond the skin to the person underneath. Maybe you wish to reject me based on gender, and that is understandable. But then, I didn't choose to be born a girl, did I? And language? Well, let me tell you this- I do speak Royal Ozian, and I am doing it right now, in case you didn't realise- I just choose not to, because that is something I am truly insecure about. That is my biggest weakness- not my abrasiveness or lack of social skills, or anything else, for that matter. I feel odd talking this way because I know it comes out sounding wrong to me. This feels fake and scripted, and that is not who I am. I am more spontaneous, and if that is a weakness, then perhaps I'm not fit to be a mindless alien slave for your esteemed organisation. Thank you for your patience and your time."

With that parting shot, Elphaba left the interview. Later, she would be happy she had turned down that one, because, had she accepted, she wouldn't have had the chance to work with Doctor Dillamond, whom she had clearly idolised. And neither would she have been introduced to Animal Rights, a cause that felt so real and challenging at the same time. It was an amazing experience, especially once you thought of the implications, and it would lead her to her ultimate dream. But before that, there was a more pressing matter closer to home: that of the Shiz Intra-Collegiate Biennial Sports Championship.