Kingdom

1. Kaelys

We stood and waited. A horn sound alerted us of their coming yet anticipation grew higher. They could not have made it yet. They could carry the dead into the gates. My dead. The ones that fight on my behalf; the ones that perish on my behalf. The ones with families who mourn on my behalf. A dozen of lives less, because of my need of an army. Yet I do not feel too sorrowful. I never understood where that empty feeling came from. It has just always been there. Maybe because my Queen mother had taught me it is always your life first, then someone else. I was ought to be Queen myself, and a Queen need to think of how to pull herself through to make it. Often, I rethink that. How can I pull myself through if you get a thousand of requests a day for food, new houses, more money or more land?

          Bradyn. In the arms of my uncle Landar. Blood is gulping down his skin, drenching his clothing on its way. I could only watch them come forward with utter shock in my eyes. This could not be. There were more like Bradyn, limping or being carried by acquaintances. Some I knew, they stood in the courtyard when my King father told them about the honor of fighting in the battles for Eldris. Others had families in the castle.

          My eyes widen as I watch my little brother choke for air through the blood he is coughing up. I take a quick hold onto his hand as to letting him know that his sister is here and I can feel he relaxes. Maybe too much. My eyes peer up at Landar, begging him to take him to a medic. With a quick nod in reply, Landar carries him inside. I watch the other families who catch their loved ones, in misery and others in mourning.

          If I knew this from since I was born, I would have ran away from this life. I would have found a life in the forest. Maybe found a peaceful hut and live there until the day I die. It reminded me of an old story lady Clara had once told me. A girl was too fed up by the terrible family she was raised by so she ran off to a house in the deep woods. There she was accompanied by five wolves which sat outside every day to look after her. Once the girl reached infirmity and ended on her own, the wolves buried her by the roots of an old ancient tree. Clara tells me that way she lived on in the trees.

          Often, I wonder if that will come to me if I run away from being Queen. Though when I think of it I realize it might be too late for me. I already am Queen, on a throne, supposed to rule a kingdom. I haven't even yet found a proper husband to rule with me. Mother tells me that is often not needed. She may have a husband to have ruled with her but even the strongest of Queens will know how to rule strongly over her people. Father, on the other hand, thinks a husband is desperately necessary and I am sure he is looking for the best. I often just am used to shrugging it off. Husband or not, I will rule.

          I lower my worries, even though I could not keep wondering if Bradyn will make it, and turn to walk inside the castle.

The ladies had made tea and pastries, floundering with the serving trays in their hands as they rushed inside. This would be on Father's command as to cheer me up. Even if I had an appetite right now, I do not think I would have the desire to eat as my brother is on his near-death bed.

          These senseless wars. Men only see drawing a blade as a solution if only a hustler does not pay attention to one more than the other. Talk is seen as useless gossip; a woman's task. Dear seven gods, Bradyn. Why do you have to be like everybody else?

          ''Lady Kaelys?''

          Half bothered, I turn my head to the doorway as my tea is clutched between my hands, still steaming hot. I lock eyes with Ayleen, Bradyn's lover. Her eyes are watered and I can tell she does not have it just as easy as me. I motion her over and pour her a cup. I can't leave it to get cold. There are imported herbs in there.

          ''How have you been, Ayleen?''

          ''As well as you, my lady Kaelys,'' she fishes something from one of her pockets. ''Your uncle Landar found this in your brother's pocket. It is told he wanted to give you it before battle yet he could not find you.''

          My head lowers. I remember that moment. I was angry with Bradyn. He had promised me he would stay at the castle and leave the battle to our uncle and his men. Instead he packed up and rode to their hideout in the middle of the night. I do not even know if I should blame my brother for what he had done. He wanted to complete his duty with Eldris and our father. Yet he made me a promise and he broke it. Forgiveness is hard for me to seek for him.

          ''I was avoiding him,'' I look at the steam coming off the tea. ''He promised me, Ayleen. If he promised me, the Queen, then he also promised you. He failed us both.''

          ''He loves you, my lady,'' she held up her pinky, on which I tilted my head slightly. Mother always did that but I never took it over, it was just not me. ''He wanted to fight for you, for your future as Queen.''

          ''So, you are saying his falling is my fault?''

          ''Forgive me, lady Kaelys,'' Ayleen looked down at her feet. ''It was not my intention to made it sound that way. But you should not blame him for wanting to protect his sister. And...''

          My eyes squint in confusion for a moment, until I watch where her hand reaches. Due to her wide dress I could not tell but now I see the bump very well.

          ''You are with child.''

          ''He does not know yet,'' Ayleen holds her hand in that place. ''I wanted to tell him but then he rode off. Now I do not know when he will wake up so I will be able to tell him. Maybe before the battle was the last time he had his eyes open. Maybe, he will never know.''

          ''He will know, dear Ayleen. He is not dead, even though I have my doubts,'' I set my cup down and lean towards her, grasping her hand that is on her belly. ''It is fatal to lose faith right now. I should get that in my head too, I know. But I am the Queen, and as you are under my protection, especially now you are with child, I will let nothing happen to you. So, as long as Bradyn is my brother, he will not die. My uncle will do anything to help him, as will the nurses.''

          Ayleen chews on her bottom lip and remains silent for a moment. ''I believe you, lady Kaelys.''

          I quickly nod before she grasps a pastry and eats it quicker than I can observe. I have seen lady Clara during her pregnancy and she did the exact same. Once the first is down her throat, Ayleen grabs the next but stops when she notices I am watching.

          ''P-Pardon me.''

          ''No worries, dear Ayleen,'' I lean backwards. ''Your child will need to grow strong and healthy. I will let the ladies bring you a full meal.''

          ''What about Bradyn?''

          ''I will ask Landar and his people to report every hour. Maybe shorter, if that is what you need to be soothed.''

          ''Thank you,'' Ayleen exhales and leans forward again to grab my hand, just when I had let go. ''Thank you so, so much lady Kaelys. I will never forget what you are doing for me.''

          ''Of course,'' I manage to break through a smile. ''My dear friend.''

          ''F-Friend?''

          I chuckle. ''Yes. Friend.''