All at Once

Chapter Twenty-Four

After scurrying up the pink carpet without being recognised by any of the waiting photographers, Craig from PCJ was already waiting inside the venue. He scrubbed up well, considering his flight had only arrived that morning. Once we'd helped ourselves to a few canapes and a glass of champagne, a bored-looking usher showed us to our seats just seven rows back from the stage. I struggled to remain cool as the rows in front filled with the crème de la crème of the music world. Directly in front of me sat Arla, looking angelic in an all-white gown with cut-out side panels, and to my left sat the producer and mixing engineer who'd worked on the track with her. In the second row, I spotted four empty chairs. Each reserved seat had a piece of paper attached to it with a photo of who would be sitting there.

As I stared at the empty spaces, wondering whether they had been earmarked for The Ambition, the arrival of Noah, James and Alex confirmed my suspicions. Noah's eyes were darting around like wildfire as the boys took three of the empty four seats. When they came to rest on mine, his face illuminated with a wide grin, his dimple visible even from a few rows back. Beaming back at him, I barely noticed as Arla spun around to look straight at me.

"You two kill me," she smiled. "When are you going to go public?"

The fact that the world's biggest female singer was striking up a casual conversation about my relationship status didn't fail to strike me as one of the stranger moments of my life.

"It's tricky," I replied.

Turning her entire body around in her chair, Arla leaned over the back of the seat to take my hands in hers.

"Those words, Abi. The ones I sing. They came from your heart, and they were about him. You two have something so special; I really envy that."

Wait, did Arla Breeze just admit to being jealous of me?!

Gently rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb, she continued. "Noah is an amazing person, I'm glad to consider him a friend. It's hard, you know, doing what I do. I don't make many real friends."

I had no idea why Arla Breeze was choosing to have a heart-to-heart with me right there and then. Maybe it was the only place she felt able to talk, her words lost among the buzz of an excited audience of A-listers, but she had picked that moment to engage in some serious female bonding and I was far too intimidated by her presence to refuse.

Luckily, the booming sound of the announcer's voice and the dimming of the lights saved me from having to get into what would probably have been a very awkward conversation. Giving my hand a final squeeze, Arla turned back around in her seat with somewhat of a sad smile fixed on her flawless face. I glanced across at Craig on my right, who simply sat with a bemused expression at what had just happened.

Giving him a quick shrug, I faced the front and settled back to enjoy the show.

With each award given out and every guest performance that had the audience up on their feet, I wished more and more that I was sat in the spare seat next to Noah. Never more so than when the nominees for Top Rock Artist were announced.

Frantically facetiming Charlotte with no regard for the time back in London, I'm sure my heart had left my chest and taken up a temporary home in my mouth as the nomination reels were played on huge screens. I could practically feel it pumping behind my face when the silver envelope was opened. And I'm surprised it didn't leap out and splatter onto the back of Arla Breeze's head when I screamed at the announcement of The Ambition as winners.

The cameras shot straight to the band, their faces filling the screens as they jumped up and grabbed each other into bear hugs. There were too many people around them for me to catch Noah's eye, but I saw him looking around anxiously on screen as the band was bustled up to the stage by their team. I knew who he was looking for and I should have been there, by his side.

One-by-one, the boys each gave a short acceptance speech, giving their thanks and appreciation to their families, their team, and – of course – Mikey. Noah was last to speak. Taking the microphone in his left hand, he held the award tightly in his right.

"I think the guys have pretty much said it all," he began, "But there's something I want to add."

All around me, I felt the audience shift as they shared fleeting nudges and knowing glances. There was no denying the reception for The Ambition winning an award had been a little muted compared to other recipients of the evening. Their fans may have still had their back one hundred percent, but the industry was pissed at the four British guys who had burst onto the scene, sold out arenas, caused scandal the world over, yet were still rewarded for writing some of the best pop-rock music out there.

"There's been a lot said about us in the media recently," Noah continued, "Some of it true, some not so true. But the fact that we've been given this award means the world to us. To me, especially."

He paused, silently searching for the right words before continuing.

"The truth can often get twisted and stretched to fit, just to make a better story. We've had our problems, as a group and in our own lives, but we're still standing. We're more than bandmates, we're brothers. The press might like to focus on the seedy side of who I once was, but they ignore the fact I wouldn't have a family if it wasn't for Alex, James and Mikey. These boys are my blood."

As the audience broke into respectful applause, Noah took a deep breath and scanned the first few rows. As his eyes met mine, I saw the invisible twinkle in his eye appear. The twinkle that shone solely for me.

"I'm not supposed to talk about this," he said, a tiny smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, "But there's someone else who I need to thank. Someone else helping to heal the wounds my past has left behind. Someone who lifts me off the floor when even more shit seeps out of the woodwork."

In an audience of thousands, it felt as though we were the only ones in the room. Unperturbed by the sea of famous faces staring up at him, Noah held my gaze against the glare of the bright stage lights as he lowered his voice to little more than a whisper.

"I never believed in guardian angels before," he said, "But this is for you, Health and Safety."

—

The fact that neither The Ambition nor Arla Breeze won the Song of the Year category didn't matter. By the time we left the after party, Noah and I were both floating on cloud nine. And more than a little drunk.

Shielded by the invite-only guest list and a no-phones policy once inside, we'd been able to enjoy the celebrations without worrying about who might be prying. For the first time in what felt like forever, we'd had a night out as a couple. No hesitation, no hiding.

Sneaking away in separate cars back to the hotel was a small sacrifice. Thanks to the ceremony being aired live on TV and via streaming, Noah's acceptance speech was probably already all over the Internet. The trolls were probably sharpening their claws at the same time had been partying, but I didn't care. They could say what they wanted. In just a week's time, Noah would be able to reveal the truth about his relationship status on the Geoff Colston show. Once we didn't have to hide anymore, once Noah had told his story in his own words, every night could be like Vegas.

A night that, when we were reunited in his hotel room, Noah would make sure I could never forget.