All at Once

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I'd never seen so many wires coming out of one person.

As I stood outside the hospital room, sobbing as I looked through the glass at my sleeping mum, I couldn't comprehend how tiny she seemed. So frail. So helpless. But still beautiful.

"Here you go."

I turned to face Noah, walking towards me with two cups of vending machine coffee in his hands, and gave him a weak smile.

"Is she still asleep?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I don't want to wake her so I haven't been in yet."

"Come on then, let's wait out here for a bit."

I followed him over to the green leather seats lined up against the wall of the medicinal-smelling corridor. As I sat down on the hard cushion, I placed my coffee on the floor and pulled a tissue from the bottom of my bag to wipe my eyes.

"I can't stand seeing you this upset," Noah whispered, placing an arm around my shoulders and pulling me towards him. Resting my head on his shoulder I drew in a deep breath and let it back out slowly.

"I just don't get it," I whispered. "She's never had anything wrong health-wise. She's always been so strong and independent. Ever since dad died, she's had to be."

"She'll be fine, you know?" Noah said, placing a gentle kiss on my hair. "If she's anything like her daughter, she'll be too stubborn to let this get the better of her."

Allowing a tiny smile to creep across my lips, I snuggled my head further into Noah's neck and closed my eyes as I breathed in his smell. The faint hint of the previous day's aftershave mixed with his unwashed skin wrapped around me like a blanket.

"Thank you for coming with me,' I said softly. "I've never liked hospitals."

"I know," he replied, rubbing his thumb against the top of my arm.

A moment's silence passed between us before I spoke again, my eyes still closed as my head moved gently up and down on his shoulder, in time with each of his breaths.

"Noah?"

"Mm-hmm."

"I'm scared."

"Don't be scared, Abs," he replied, squeezing me tighter. "Your mum's a fighter, just like you. Everything's going to be okay."

"I hope so."

"It will. I promise."

A soft Scottish voice called my name from a couple of feet away.

"Abi Wilson?"

Sitting bolt upright in my chair, I turned my head quickly to see a short, stocky nurse holding a clipboard in one hand and resting a large box of surgical dressings on her hip.

"Yes?"

"Your mum's awake," she smiled, her teeth glowing brilliant white against the dark warmth of her skin. "Would you like to go in and see her?"

As I shot up out of the seat, the coffee I'd placed on the floor fell victim to a sharp, accidental kick.

I looked up at the nurse as the brown liquid spilled out onto the shiny, plastic floor, the heat already rising in my cheeks.

"I'll get that cleaned up, don't worry," she said with a gentle laugh. "You two go on in."

Noah grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly as he stood up to his full height beside me.

"You go," he said. "She'll want to see you first. I'll be out here when you're ready."

Nodding, I placed a kiss on his lips and turned to walk towards the room my mum was laying in. Those few steps felt like a marathon; as though I was nearing the end of a race across a rugged mountain, the altitude forcing the air out of my lungs and causing my head to spin.