Welcome to Hawthorne Preparatory
They have anything they could ever need
But yet she still wants more
She wants everything and anything
But that's still not enough
She wants to be her.
"You're insane. You will never be me."
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Blair
You are strong.
You are not weak.
You are not like everyone else
You will get through this.
You have to.
All I saw in the mirror was a coward, a weakling. She had tear streaks and mascara flowing down her cheeks. She's not me. She's not who I am. I least I hoped not, I could only hide so much. Maybe deep down inside, behind the walls, she's someone completely different. Someone unrecognisable to society.
Someone who isn't affected by other's words, by all of the constant punches in her face.
Someone who doesn't care about what other's think about her as if her world depended on it,
because it did.
Someone who could truly be themselves,
because let's be honest, who can?
I glared at my reflection appalled. How could I result to this? The girl I'm looking at is a mess, someone who doesn't know how to cope.
This is not the person you are, Blair.
Father raised you better than this.
Suck it up.
I took a deep breath and splashed water on my face, hoping to refresh both my brain and makeup stained face.
Brandon's words replayed in my head,
"Leukemia, Blair"
"W- wh- what?" I had stuttered
"Leukemia, it's blood cancer-"
"I know what that fucking is, Brandon"
Silence
"I'm sorry Blair"
What was he sorry for.
He had no reason to be sorry.
It's not his fault.
It's not his fault our family is so fucked up.
It's not his fault that I wasn't there for him when I should've been.
You can do this.
I told myself
You're Blair fucking Carmichael.
Everyone wants to be you.
I felt sunken, like there was a deep pit in the bottom of my stomach pulling and sucking me in deeper.
I was in a state of despair, a state of desperation.
Why Brandon, I had sobbed
He doesn't deserve it.
I do,
I'm the monster.
"It should've been me" I screamed to my empty house, with its vast halls and luxurious rooms I call home. I swung my arm across my vanity table causing all my perfume and makeup bottles to shatter on the ground.
Piece after piece.
Shard after shard.
Broken
just like me.
♛
Blair confidently strutted through the hallways of Hawthrone preparatory, with Weston on one arm and Logan on the other. Shelby and Gen trailed closely behind, followed by Athena and Austin. Leo, on the other hand, was unsurprisingly nowhere to be seen.
Her face strong, with no trace of the darkness underneath, she held her head high with no emotion to be seen. This is who she was.
♛
"Blair!" Shelby had called out through the hallway, forcing Blair to turn around and look at her.
"What" an irritable Blair had called.
Shelby stuttered, suddenly nervous, she knew that an irritable Blair was not one to mess with. She could snap anytime; Shelby, being her best friend since they could walk, knew just that, unfortunately from experience.
"I just wanted to know if you're alright," Shelby cautiously stated at the noirette. "You've been acting weirdly today"
"And why is it any of you're business"
"Well, for one I actually care-"
"Don't go there" Blair warned, "I'm fine. I don't understand what would make you think otherwise"
"Blair, don't be like this. I know you."
Weston, who perched next to Blair, sent Shelby a warning glare. He, too, was aware of Blair's locked-up emotions that threatened to release soon.
"Let it go, Shelby. I'm fine."
Shelby sighed to her self and strutted down the hallway in the opposite direction. The eyes of the whole school followed each step she took, all gawking at the affair that had just happened before their eyes.
It wasn't too long till Weston called out the student body.
"Keep your eyes to yourself, if not, some of you guys might find yourself climbing even lower down the ladder." He glared at the crowd that now squealed and slivered in panic. "I'm sure you have better things to stare at, don't waste your fucking time"
The crowd dispersed and conversations began to rise again. Just like that, the aching silence had disappeared and the hallway of Hawthorne Preparatory returned to its normal state of chatter.
The raven-haired queen frustrated Shelby sometimes. Blair had a tendency to push people out, especially when she was going through something hard. Shelby first handedly experienced this when Blair's mum had left their family. Blair, of course, had acted like nothing was wrong, but Shelby knew that deep down something was wrong. Blair could fool a lot of people, but Shelby wasn't one of them.
Blair had gone through a lot, so much to the point where she doesn't trust anymore. She'd lost faith in humanity. To Blair, it was just her and herself; she believed that she couldn't rely on anyone. It'd taken Shelby years to gain even a slither of Blair's trust.
She wanted to let Blair know that sometimes it's okay to let people in. That sometimes, yourself isn't and won't be enough to keep yourself going. But Blair was scarred, and Shelby knew she couldn't do much about it.
Sometimes it sucked seeing the people you love hurting,
especially when you couldn't do anything about it.
