Rosa Ruiz
Personal Narrative
We were all facing the Willamette river at Island park under the dark and gloomy sky with only a few lights shining in the distance, among us there was a little family of ducks floating down the river. Despite there being no light to keep me warm being with my family gave me all the warmth and comfort I needed. We were sitting at a picnic table covered under one blanket waiting for the fireworks to ignite on the fourth of July a day where you celebrate with your friends, family, and community. My family's eyes were filled with joy, I saw a spark in them I had not seen before. It seemed as if everything had settled and the world was at peace, there was no more sickness, no more hunger, and no war. It appeared as if everything had found its way home.
As the day passed all I had to do was wait for another storm to come and wash everything good away. I found myself in the same routine as usual. Nothing new, other than lessons, chaos, and homework which I had to complete by the next class. I found myself asking my classmate's the same questions. This would allow me to get through the day without falling asleep. As soon as I got home, everything felt normal. Until my mom sent my younger siblings outside. Causing a momentum of shivers to slowly penetrate my body. Me and my second eldest sister were the only ones left in the house. I look at my sister trying to search her face for a glimpse or clue of the serious matter. She did not appear to be surprised. It seemed as if she has already heard the news. Meanwhile, we're having our own conversation using only looks, the room filled with nothing but silence and my moms' eyes swollen with tears in her eyes. My mom began to speak. That's when I saw my sisters' inner strength. I looked at my mom with the same expression, bemused, as she sighs and says "As you know I had a doctor's appointment today." I agreed with her while waiting for her to continue "Well, Rosa, you're going to need to start helping around the house a little bit more." Making my head began to tangle with questions and thoughts."I am very sick Rosa, I have uterine cancer and they only gave me 12 to 24 months to live... ." No words can describe how I felt at the moment. My mouth was frozen. All I could do was tear up but I was not going to. My heartfelt heavy with no hope. Being only age 15 I felt vulnerable. What could I do at my age to support my mother, other than, giving her a shoulder to rely on.
As I continued to think about my mother's words. It makes it harder for me to believe what she had said. I was in denial. No, she's not sick she doesn't have cancer she looks perfectly fine...this can't be happening right now she has a year or two to live...that can't be true. This can't be happening to me....not my family. I stared at her in disbelief what are we going to do now. I didn't show any emotion after our conversation we went along with our lives as if everything was normal we did not want to tell my other siblings because they weren't old enough to understand something that would change their lives forever, my other three sisters and brother didn't know because they were all too young to understand. If she does have 12 to 24 months left, the day I become a senior there would be an absence and a part of me would not be satisfied with my achievements. How could I walk down the aisle Bringing me to question would that day take me back to the night spent with my family on the fourth of July or just pure agony? My mother would not be able to see her first child walk down the aisle to receive her diploma which would prove the worth of everything she had sacrificed. She would not get to see me fulfill her dream of graduating from high school and marking my name in this unjust world. I wanted to cry and allow myself to show emotions, but what would that prove? It would prove nothing but project my weakness as I stand in the face of a challenge. Was I about to let my dignity go for the sake of my mental health. While in return, I would not resolve anything. My mother's cancer would not go away and my life would stay the same. As I walked around a corner, I thought of it as a moment of peace. I allowed myself to express everything that had been bottled up within. Knowing this I was willing to allow my vulnerability show, but as much as I tried knowing I would be losing the most important person in my life brought me nothing but agony. She is my rock, the one that brought me stability. My mom has been there since the day I took my first breath and is to this day helping me overcome obstacles.
My mom is in a constant battle with herself every day. I would describe her as more than a mom or a friend but as my idol. I believed that on the fourth of July the day meant to celebrate with your friends, family, and community, I also learned an important message. Dr. Seuss describes it perfectly when he says "Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a reality". That is a lesson that took me a while to learn, but at least I know it will become a memory and there is not just one day to celebrate with my family. A day can pass by but a lifetime of memories with my loved ones will never vanish. It will always be pierced deeply into my heart. Meanwhile, my mom goes on with her day caring for her children who she never goes a day without telling how much she loves them. From 6 a.m to 11 p.m she dedicates herself to her beautiful children. As well as preparing herself to start chemotherapy soon after we gather the $3,500 dollars we need to pay for the treatments. I have a dream, faith, and hope that her 12 to 24 months will be expanded and she will see all her beloved children go off to college. Before that happens we will continue to create more memories along the way. Memories that will go on with me until I take my last breath.
