Loveswept // Mark Tuan //

Ch. 9

Mark

The cold wind from outside blew on my face as I sat on the couch near the window. Light purple curtains flew along the breeze. The lights were switched off. I looked at Yerin, who was beside me. The pale light from the evening moon washed over her face, giving her a beautiful glow. The room echoed with just nothing but the rumbles of the trees outside due to the wind.

My mind filled with questions. Where is Yerin's mom? Why is Yerin crying? Did someone die? Did something happen to her mom? How did she get that cut on her lip? Did her mom beat her? What the hell is going on? Yerin seemed a little ok now as I sat beside her. Her face was still red due to the fever. I avoided asking her repeatedly about what was wrong. I didn't want to add any pressure on Yerin.

"Mark.." Yerin looked at me. I hummed in response, looking back at her. "Why are you here? You should be in school." She spoke softly as her chapped lips moved. "It felt lonely without you." I answered sincerely. A part of me felt lonely. Another part of me kept making up the worst scenarios possible about her absence. 

"Are you alright?" She looked down at her nails as she picked at her bitter cuticles. I put my warm hand over her cold ones and repeated, "Are you fine, Yerin?" She nodded in silence. "Can I ask why you were crying?" I tried to sound as polite and gentle as possible to not seem like I was interfering in her personal life.

"Promise me you won't tell this to anyone."

"I promise."

"My mom said she didn't want to have me." She looked out of the window as she spoke. Tears of pain brimmed in her eyes as she spoke and an expression of guilt formed on her face. "She always criticized me. Criticized my actions, my behavior, my personality, my thinking. She is never happy with me. She wants me to be like every other girl. I hate parties, makeup, dressing up and all the typical girly things. She wants me to do all those and when I said I didn't want to.. she.. she hit me, today."

I couldn't say anything. All of what Yerin said made me feel heavy. I couldn't describe that feeling. How could a mother abuse her daughter for being herself? What kind of a person she was? At this point, anything I said could have made her feel I was judging her. Though I had so many more questions, so many more doubts.

"My father passed away when I was four. Actually, he committed suicide. Mother said she had found a suicide note in their room after he left one morning saying he was up for jog. When he didn't come back, she reported in the police station. They searched for a couple days and then found his dead body in the Hakin Lake." Ouch.

A moment of silence passed as winds blew over our faces. Both of us remained quite and calm. I looked over at Yerin, who seemed to be in a deep thought. A tear slipped from her eye, rolling down her cheek and landing on my hand which was on top of hers. I was never truly able to understand the reason behind her timidness and lonely lifestyle until I found out about her past. It's said that you can't imagine what pain a person is going through until you go through it yourself. I guess, I could never understand Yerin's pain myself.

"We got into an argument this morning when she was leaving for work and I was getting ready for school. I forgot to switch off the bathroom light after using it. She said that I was irresponsible, that I wouldn't be able to take care of myself without her, that I won't be able to raise my own family in future. I don't know how but all this somehow led to the topic of my father's death. And then she slapped me, for misbehaving."

She took back her hand from mine and sat there fidgeting. Slowly started chewing them. "Hey," I pulled Yerin's hand from her mouth, and swept closer to her. "Look at me." She looked up, after a moment of debating in her own mind. Brown, timid eyes stared back at me, filled with the 100 questions. "Yerin, I am sorry for what all happened." I began with a apology, even though a small sorry from my side wouldn't have changed any miserable feelings and moments she had.

"It's hard, I know. Hard to stay strong, hard to keep holding onto life with all this going on. I can't change anything at all, nor can you. But we can accept and adjust, right? I'm not saying you have to endure your mother's torture. She's your mother, she got you in this world. Her husband left her with nothing but a child to take care off in this cruel world. We don't know what goes on in her mind, right?" She nodded as more tears slipped down her cheek.

Sweeping closer to her, I raised my hands to her eyes and wiped those tears off. "She's not bad, Yerin. She wants you to be ahead of everyone else. She wants you to outshine others. She wants the best for you. But she doesn't know you're already the best version of yourself. At a point, she'll understand." My words seemed to calm her down. Her head bent in tiredness as none of us spoke.

"Do you want food?" After a long moment, I finally asked. And in that moment, Yerin raised her head up, looked me in the eyes and gave me the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.