Drew

.4.

I'm waiting for him to snap at me, all the hatred I deserve spilling out of him like it did the last few times I saw him.

But he tips his beer to the empty spot beside him and takes a drink.

"It's good to see you." I tell him.

He laughs through his nose, dry and humorless and I know it's only a matter of time before he lets me know he still hates me.

"You look good Owen."

He takes another drink as the bartender asks what I want. I order a Miller Lite and two shots of whiskey.

We say nothing even as I slide one of the shots over to Owen. I sip my beer, trying to rack my brain for something to say. But I keep coming up with nothing good. Everything ending with Owen telling me I'm a piece of shit.

I pick at the label of my beer, thinking maybe I should just pay his tab and leave. But then he picks up his shot, clinks it to mine that's sitting on the bar and kicks it back.

I'm thrown off.

But I try to stifle down my surprise and gulp down my shot.

"So what? You...you're back in town?" Owen asks, voice thick and gravely like he hasn't spoken in a while.

"Yeah, I uh just got in today." I take a long drink of my beer, waiting for him to turn sour.

He nods his head, the tension increasing between us from the strained flow of conversation.

"How's your parents? Julia?"

He glances over at me, face impassive as he speaks.

"Julia's throwing a party. She kicked me out of the house." I tell him and he chuckles quietly.

"Shit she's how old now?"

"17, a senior."

He lets out a whistle, draining the last of his beer and slides it to the back of the bar. The bartender doesn't miss a beat, popping another and handing it to Owen.

"Damn, we got old." He muses.

I can't find the humor in it though. I've been sitting here contemplating death for so long I'm wondering why it hasn't sought me out. The thought of waiting until I'm old terrifies me. It overwhelms me. Exhausts me. If I'm being honest, I'm not even sure how I've made this far.

I play catch up as we fall into silence. At some point I realized I should have asked about his dad and Jase, his grandparents. At one point they were more my family than my own. But per usual I fuck up it and too much time has passed to make it seem normal.

"How's Jae?" He props his elbow onto the bar, making sure to pro long his drink like he's preparing himself for a life sentence.

But he doesn't need to worry about it.

I hang my head. "She uh...she cheated on me."

He snorts, anger dripping from his words. "With your best friend?"

I wish I could tell him yeah. That I now understand just how shitty he must have felt all those years ago when he found out. But the only person I have that comes close to a best friend isn't a shitty person.

"Sorry." He mumbles. "That was a dick thing to say."

I tap my fingers on my beer, the neck growing warm from my body heat now that it's missing the cold liquid inside.

"Nah, I deserve it." I tell him, brushing his apology to the side.

I know he doesn't want the details. He probably doesn't care. He's probably dancing in his head right now that I got some payback. But before I can stop myself, words start falling out of me.

"Apparently she was cheating on me for the past three years." I confess. "Her friend told me."

I have Owen's attention but I can't bring myself to look at him.

"I caught them, came home from a business trip early to surprise her and walked into some guy pounding her brains out on my office desk. All my shit was on the ground, bare ass cheeks everywhere." I don't know why I'm giving him these details. I shake my head, trying to reel it back in. "It was whatever though. Told her I forgave her."

"Drew." Owen says my name and I finally force myself to look at him. He looks pissed. I smile slightly, a default reaction because I feel broken and lost but I don't want to burden anyone with my self created problems. I know other people have it worse, what do I have to complain about it? "That's fucked up."

"She said she wanted to take a break. I made a damn fool of myself for months, taking her out on dates, buying her shit, sending her flowers."

My stomach rolls as I recount showing up to her office with a massive bouquet of roses and a couple plane tickets. I was going to surprise her with a tropical weekend, just the two of us. Work out whatever was holding her back. I grit my teeth, the embarrassment still very much present.

"She was just waiting to get rid of me so she could get engaged to some other guy."

I feel my chest tighten, a lump lodged in my throat so I down my beer and order two more shots of whiskey. This time I don't wait for Owen to take one.

"Dude. That's so fucked up. You're better off without her." Owen says.

I nod my head but it doesn't feel like that. Jaelyn always made me feel alive. She made the day a little brighter. She made me not feel so damn alone. Even after I knew she had cheated on me. I wasn't lying, I forgave her. We could have kept going like it never happened. As long as she didn't leave me. Without Jaelyn I have nothing keeping me here.

But then she ripped the rug straight out from underneath me and somewhere along my fall, she snatched what little amount of happiness I had managed to hold on to over the years and took off. 

She switched all her socials over to engaged, wiping her pages clean of me, like I had never existed. That day, I got so shitfaced I called her. Slurring my words into her voicemail like a drunk needy bitch.

The next day, I deleted all my socials.

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I loved getting to revisit Owen's character a little.