The Joke

SO... YEAH

   It was the beginning of my first year in high school when I chose to sit down next to a classmate that seemed very lonely. We had to choose the seats where we'll be staying for the whole year. Since we didn't know each other, the guy seemed to be the best choice. I got to learn his name. It was an ass fucking long name, but I'm not one to judge since mine is the same. His name was Lachlan Jude Henderson, and mine is Evony Sable Bacchus. He had amber eyes, dyed dark hair, was a bit taller than me, around 5.93 ft tall and pretty skinny and his skin was pale. He assured me he doesn't have leukemia or anything so I sighed in relief hearing that. 
   When he observed that, he freaked out, but then he started laughing maniacally. He's a fucking switch. I mean, he's like– Um... Now he's mad, and now he wants a lot of attention. I kinda want to punch him sometimes.
   But I love him. I even consider him my best friend forever. Once, I told him in a joke that his girlfriend broke up with him for another. Was he angry? A very fucking lot. If he could, he would've stabbed me. But Lachlan kinda loves me because I'm his first best friend, that's also a girl. Nowadays we have another thing in common. I started listening to rock. I don't regret doing it. It's the freaking best! Now let's talk about the shit that happened. I literally wanted to kill myself because of it, but just because I was very embarrassed.
   So... It's this guy called Alastair. I never saw him, but I fell in love with his voice. A really fucked up thing, right? Don't freak out, yet. This is not all. And after Lachlan added me in a band's fan group, I started speaking with the guys. And I was curious to see how Alastair is. That's not weird, right? I hope not, because I have a bad habit when I end up stalking people, but just online. 
   Alright. And I found a video on his social media account, and then I heard his voice. And, damn! It's pretty low, just how I like it. I told Lachlan that I like his voice, and he said that to another person that he knew in the group, but privately. And after like 2 days or so, I don't know where the discussion came from, but they started talking about me and Alastair in our language, and he started to get angry and asked: What are you talking about me?
   At that moment I started freaking out. I mean... Bitch! I trusted you. Don't do shit like this. But, I know why that bastard did that. I kind of hurt Lachlan at that time... I didn't mean to do that shit, though. He looked like a very fucking strong person. I never thought he's such a softie. 
   Back to the main story. After that, the other person, Kelly, a cute girl but a little snakey-snake, told him. I said that I'm out and I literally didn't say a word. And then Kelly told him that I like his voice... I was at the point where I could start crying. And later, guess what? Alastair messaged me.
   If you like me, then why didn't you send me a message to start a conversation?
   What could I say? The truth.
   I'm very fucking shy.
   Lmao. Same.
   But I thought a lot about sending something to you.
   I couldn't say that I was very relieved because Lachlan told Kelly everything.
   What are you doing?
   I'm reading something. How about u?
  At school.
   Oh, right! He's from America so it's a difference of 9 hours. So, when in my country it's 12 PM in his country it's 1 PM, but behind. Sometimes I forget that. 
   We kept talking a lot. And I wanted to see his dog. But after what happened, my wish kinda vanished. But I brought up his dog in our conversation, even though my hope that he would send me a pic with him wasn't that big anymore.
   The first thing I'm gonna do when I get home, even though I'm dead, it's that.
   Oh my fucking God... This guy. I fell for him. This is really weird. You can't deny it.
   Oh. Anyway, when you'll send me that picture, I'm going to sleep. Ah. By the way... What's his name?
   Wolfie.
   You like wolves?
   YES. I wish I was one.
   I wish I was a fox. Especially a polar one.
   Cool, dude.
   I waited like 15 minutes before he sent me the picture because he got out of school earlier.
   Here it is.
   I... He's so cute!! I bet he's a good dog.
   He really is.
   I bet he is. Well... Now I'm going to sleep. Thanks for showing me your pet. I love him already!
   Oh. Lol.
   What?
   Nothing, nothing.
   I sent him a good night together with a emoji with a kiss, and he said:
   Oof, just... Oof.
   But he liked it. I think that something might work between us.
   Lachlan's reaction the next day when I told him that, was hilarious.
   "Oh, shit. I ship you two already."
   "Really, bitch?"
   "Yeah." he said while showing me his tongue.
   "Gonna fucking kill u…"
   "I would pay to see that."
   "I'm not gonna do it. U know I'm a lazy falling angel."
   He coughed and then said "You maybe wanted to say, demon?"
   "But I'm not! Geez."
   "So... What is Alastair like?"
   "He's a total daddy. My senses didn't betray me this time."
   "Hmm... Interesting."
   "He's born on the 20th of December, lives in California–"
   "In California we're dreaming, in California we're dream- What happened, Evony?"
   "What the fuck was that?"
   "California dreaming?"
   "I know! But let me finish."
   "Okayyy. I couldn't resist, though."
   "Ok. And he sent me a message this morning. My heart started beating so fast because of that."
   "Oh, I know how it is, dear. Don't give me that look, you perverted demon."
   "I'm not a pervert." but I keep watching him with perversity.
   "Mhmmm. Suuure…"
   "Look who's talking. The Dirty Minded King.
Hehe. That's right bitch. Fear me!"
   "Ahaha. I'm so scared, Daddy." I made sure no one was around before moaning. "Ahh!"
   "Don't moan, slut."
   "Daddy, please... Hmph!!"
   "I'm gonna keep my hand there until you calm down a little." he said while hiding his hand against my lips.
   I nodded. But because I'm too perverted as he said, I ended up licking his palm. As I imagined, he took his hand off from my mouth in an instant.
   "Hey! Don't rub it on me." I said as he started rubbing his hand against my clothes and hair.
   "But it's your saliva. Not mine.
   "Yeah, but rub it on something else, not on my fucking hair."
   "Okay."
   "And he rubbed his hand on my face."
   "You piece of shit... You asked for it."
   "Ouch! Uncle, uncle!!!"
   "No one's gonna save you."
   "Why are all the girls beating me up?"
   "Don't know? Maybe 'because you're weak as a worm."
   "I'm. Not. Weak."
   "What a nice position. But please, don't hold my hands that hard."
   Lachlan was holding my hands at my back with one hand, and with the other one was holding my head on the bench. Because he slowly leaned towards my ear and face, I started panicking so I managed to hit him in the balls.
   "Evony… My balls!"
   "Sorry…"
   "It's ok."
   "Mae, come and lick his balls." I shouted to a chubby blonde girl sitting on a bench with some of her friends. That girl was Mae Alethea Aster. She was known for being the best slut on the school's grounds. 
   "Wha-? Who's?"
   "You're really gonna do it?
   "If it's for a quick cash grab, why not?" she said while making a sign similar to a coin with her long pink and gold nails.
   "We found a true bitch who's taking action."
   "No, bitches. Suck a big black banana." Mae said and turned around while fluttering her hair at us.
   "Well damn" I said and laughed. "U heard her, Lachlan?"
   "I'm not gay."
   "Yeah, yeah. I got closer to him to be able to whisper. I know you very well, sweetie."
   "You called me a fruit?"
   "No. It's the other meaning."
   "Ah. Now it makes sense."

   And this is all that happened after a day that I was exposed to our group. Now gonna kill someone. Buh-bye!