Dragonsoul

Chapter 22

Sprawled on the grass with their limbs stretched like the stars, Leonie, Rim, and Nald could not stop laughing. The game was exhausting but at the same time liberating.

"Well, it seems like I missed all the fun," Toras said, suddenly appearing in front of them.

The same way winter winds wipe away snow from the rooftops, Leonie's smile disappeared from her face. Realization hit her like a blow to the stomach. She lost her breath in the suddenness of the feeling that overcame her.

Her eyes prickled, and the need to shed tears was unbearable, which rarely occurred to her in front of others. Trying to blink them away did not make the situation better, but she still did her best to hide the treacherous moisture from the others.

The reason for the punch of sadness that hit her was the fact that for a short moment, she dared forget. She forgot that she was a fatherless child and that nothing was right with the world, not anymore.

Somehow, she managed to get lost in the familiarity of the game and feel the same joy that the game always carried with it. It was pure joy, untainted by the cruel hand of reality, and she felt guilty for it.

How could she forget, even for a second? Did that mean that as she grew up, she would forget all about her father?

Would she forget the hole that his death had created in her heart? Would her tears stop coming when she remembered his death?

It was a terrifying thought, to not be able to remember. Carrying the pain around was difficult, but she felt as if forgetting would be the ultimate betrayal.

It made her wonder yet again how the world kept on going in the same way, as if her father's life did not matter. It was as if his death had no bearing on anything in the fabric of reality. Yet, she thought that at least her heart would stay faithful to his memory and mourn his absence, but it proved fickle.

She was not sure which sentiment haunted her more, the sorrow at remembering that her father would never again feel the joy of the living, or anger at herself for daring to be happy just days after her father's death.

"I am sorry. I forgot to do something, I'll be back as soon as possible," Leonie said, as she ran towards the house.

Before she entered the house, Leonie thought she saw an odd exchange pass between Rim and Toras, but she soon forgot about it. After all, if her heart was unreliable, what could she expect from her eyes.

Leonie ran into her room and sprawled down in her bed, crying streams of tears, making a wet mess of her pillow. Her congested nose made it difficult to breathe, and she kept gasping for air.

A few sobs escaped her, although she did her best to stay quiet. She did not want anyone to know she was crying since that would lead to a lot of questions. Questions that she did not want to answer, that she would never be ready to answer.

The problem with tears is that they spill easily, but stopping them is a challenge. They refuse to be tamed, quieting them is like fighting against nature itself, a task doomed to fail.

Trying to make a dam to stop the outpour only made it worse for Leonie. It was unstoppable, messy, and yet it provided her with a sense of relief. Being granted a respite of forgetfulness had to be paid in tears.

Still, Leonie did not wish for her mother to find her like that. She knew that her mother felt pain when her children suffered, and all Leonie wanted to do was avoid hurting her mother's already wounded, heart. 

Instead of turning into a puddle of tears, she decided to use a technique taught by her father. It was a slightly altered form from the one used by the Hunters to ground themselves.