erebus, my darling - solangelo

xi

the river styx. it's dark water stretches around hades. it's surface is murky, glassy, and angry. we must cross it to reach the other side.

"charon, can you bring us to the other side?" i ask the finely suited man on the ferry.

charon lifts up his sunglasses and peers down at me. "you're not supposed to be alive in here. and also, no dead leave the underworld."

"charon, come on, it's me, nico."

"i'm a busy guy, i have dead people waiting for me on the other side."

"you're on your way to the other side anyway! didn't you let orpheus on the ferry?"

"little guy with the harp? he convinced me with a little song and i don't know, i just let him. yeah, turned out great for him, huh? i watched him as he sat on the shore of the river, sobbing his eyes out."

even so for seven days he sat upon the bank, unkempt and fasting, anguish, grief and tears his nourishment, and cursed erebus' cruelty. [1]

"this is different."

"that's what all demigods say." charon looks around and sighs. "i'll do it if you give me two coins. one for you and one for your ghost fella."

i rummage in my bag. "i have one drachma." i show him the shiny coin between my fingers.

"only one?" he sighs again. "you mortals are so miserable. god, my job is depressing. you're all broke. get on."

i clamor on the boat and i make sure will is on too. charon begins to paddle to the other side. we're so close. the river seems impossibly wide to me.

"what will you do?" will asks quietly. i can barely hear him over the sound of moving water. "if it doesn't work, what will you do?"

i frown. "don't ask me that." i fidget with my hands. "i don't know what i'll do."

"you'll do the same thing orpheus did." charon juts in. "all the stories are the same."

"who asked you?" i said, irritated. "sorry. i guess you're right. all stories are the same."

"promise me you'll go on." will pleads.

"i won't promise you that, will."

"swear it on the river. the river we're on right now."

"no, i couldn't!"

"you have to."

"i don't! i don't want to grow old without you."

"you're still a person without me."

"not a person i like."

"don't say that."

"at my worst, i am nico diangelo. at my best, i am the nico you love."

"i love you because you are nico diangelo. you can't divide yourself into pieces. you are one person. and i am in love with it."

"it's all so simple to you, isn't it?"

"i'm not simple. you're not either . but when i met you, i decided then that despite whatever it was entailed such a task, i would love you. i want you to live."

"and because of that, you'd condemn me to half a life. i don't want to know me without you. haven't i earned a place by your side?" i ask. "after everything, i just want to rest. i could never fall asleep without you. you're my sleep. and if i have to, i'll sleep eternally. i'm tired, will."

"haven't i taught you anything about love? about life?"

"of course you did. when you died, you taught me a new love. one that is nameless."