Lucifer one-shots

I'm Sorry

Notes/Summary:

Set as an AU for 2x14 (Candy Morningstar)

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"Why did you leave?" Chloe asked, knowing full and well that Lucifer would never give her an answer, or if he did, it would not be sane. She was finally doing well. She was getting along with her life. And then he comes back. Of course, he does.

The truth is Lucifer left to protect her. And she would never accept that, and he would never tell her that truth because frankly, she wouldn't believe it. He left because he wanted her to be able to make her own choices. He wanted her to be her own person, not manipulated by celestial beings pulling her strings. He left because he didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want his dear-old-dad causing their false feelings towards each other. 

But that isn't quite true. He left because he was afraid.

Afraid that all her feelings aren't real and that he's falling for someone who doesn't truly feel the same way back. He's afraid that he'll hurt her too. He's afraid that he's not enough, because no one could ever love the Devil. Nobody ever has.

And he's afraid for his own sake, that he'll fall to pieces when she eventually leaves the earthly plane and lives a life up in the clouds alongside his father. He's scared he will break when it's over because he can already feel himself falling way too hard for someone who to him, will be gone in the blink of an eye.

And so he is afraid.

Chloe knows what she needs to ask. Another question she will doubtfully get an answer to. She doesn't want to ask it, however. She doesn't want to because she knows what the answer will be; Lucifer is Lucifer. He doesn't change, he never will. He's arrogant, narcissistic and impulsive. He does what he wants when he wants. He's reckless, selfish and so delusional that he thinks he is the actual devil. He comes and he goes as he pleases. He doesn't care what other people think of him. He doesn't care how his actions affect others. And that's why he does the things he does.

But that's not why she doesn't want to ask the question teetering at the tip of her tongue. She is afraid she might be wrong. She's afraid of what the answer could be.

And she feels her mouth open as she stares Lucifer in the eyes. She feels her eyes begin to water and she hears her voice quavering as she speaks. And she breathes the words, "Why did you come back?" 

She sees his eyes full of pain and she doesn't stop to question it. He averts his gaze from her and bites his lip. And she knows he isn't going to answer. And Chloe just stares at him. Oh, she wants him back in her life. Maybe. She wanted him. But that was before. Before he ran off and married an exotic dancer. And so before she can stop herself she adds: "You shouldn't have."

And maybe she doesn't see him break inside. Maybe she doesn't notice how his eyes begin to fill with tears before he blinks them away. Maybe she doesn't notice how his posture drops and his whole face seems to pale. Maybe she didn't notice, Lucifer thinks, or maybe she just truly no longer cares. And so he looks at her once more and this time she is the one to avert her gaze. He nods silently and turns to walk away. And he stops for a moment. And he turns to face her. And he opens his mouth to speak. "I'm s–" And he stops himself before he can finish because frankly, he knows it's just too late. 

And so he just leaves, and it breaks him doing so. And he hates his father for manipulating everything, ruining his life constantly. His father placed Chloe in his path. His father manipulated him. His father made Chloe like him. It's all Dear-old-dad's fault, and so he hates him.

Or maybe, he just hates himself.

Because he knows, deep down, that the truth is this is all his own doing. He, himself, isolated himself from the one person he has ever grown to care about. He, himself, placed the wedge between them when he left.

He doesn't know what his father did or didn't do. He doesn't know if it's all fake. Maybe it was real.

The only thing he knows for sure is that he was the one to ruin it. And although his mother and father may have had a role in that, in the end, he wrecked it all himself.