Lucifer one-shots

there's an empty hole inside of me (that only you can fill)

Notes/Summary:

sequel to 'i feel lonely in the darkness'

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there are stars that you can gaze at and reminisce on memories you once had with them. and there are flowers that make your eyes water as you are reminded of all the missed opportunities you had to give them to her. and there are fields to lay in as melancholy thoughts enter your mind and you remember the life you once had. there are oceans which swallow you whole and help you to drown out the pain of remembering. and there are forests to walk in and see the eyes staring at you from the darkness, reminding you of every little one of your insecurities. 

they are there. but they are not the same as we expect. they all come with nightmares and horrors as baggage. they all have stories, the kind that leave scars in your mind. so yes, there are these places we consider beautiful. there are these places we love in and laugh in. but these places, here, they are not the same. being in these places everything becomes ruined. it feels dull. it feels wrong.

black and white.

and he knows the feeling of the first time he entered these scenes. and he watched. and he felt... nice. too nice. and he witnesses the feeling you get when you walk into a place so overwhelmingly perfect that makes the place feel off. horrifyingly off. and so you feel your subconscious urging you to leave. but you can't. because it's nice.

and lucifer enters, over and over these places as he searches through these cells. trying, begging, hoping, to find places that remind him of his life, his life that was with her. and every time he enters, his heart skips a beat, and he remembers the feeling of being someone, being whole. but just as quickly the sadness, the loneliness, the emptiness comes flooding back. and he sees, over and over the broken anguish of regret that ended the poor miscreant here. and he never learns to leave before it happens. he just stands there. watching. as the colour, that was brought to his face as entered, drains away. and he stares, and he can't look away. as the horror, the pain, the punishment is given to the cell's prisoner. and all the good he felt is ruined.

and he knows. deep down he knows. he could go back.

he could be with her.

but he doesn't leave. no matter how much pain he endures. he stays.

to protect her. from himself.

but it's more than that.

he's punishing himself.

and once he entered a cell. it was his own. reserved just for him made after his several deaths. when he had died for her. and he sat down at the elegant piano, wishing it was real. and he put his fingers on the keys and he began to play a song. their song. and he wishes he hadn't. the beats wobble in the air, sounding out of time. the notes sharpened, flattened, changed. and he curses. because hell ruins music too.

but then he feels it.

the piercing pain in his head. he screams. and at first, he believes it's his loop, hurting him, tormenting him. and he leaves his cells but the ringing in his ears continues. and he crumbles to the floor. and he cries and begs it to stop.

and then he hears the words begin. it's her. and his heart falters. he hasn't heard that voice in over 7 hundred years.

today Amenadiel told me your name. Samael. maybe this time you'll hear my prayer Lucifer. i just wanted to tell you i am hurting. it's been 6 months and still, my mind forbids be to think of anything other than you. we all miss you. i miss you. i just want you to come home now. 

and then the piercing pain in his head stops. but he doesn't stop crying. and he begs. 

he begs for the piercing to come back.

and he whispers his apologies. knowing she won't hear. 

he left so he wouldn't hurt her.

but he has.

and so he knows what he needs to do.

+++

she whispers to herself in the darkness of her home. praying to the angel he once was. and the message is clear. it's always the same. come home. 

please.

and the tears kept on falling from her eyes. and they didn't stop. you'd be surprised how much water is in a single human being. and she just kept crying, hoping the tears would wash away her pain. her sadness. and she screamed, wishing, hoping, begging, he would hear her. and come running back. home.

and the bottle lounging in her hand whispered in her mind, infesting her thoughts. drink. and so she did. she drunk and she drunk, allowing her mind to be at peace for the night. but no matter how hard she tries, her mind, her heart, can't forget. him. and even after 6 months, she refuses to believe he's not coming back.

because of course he is. 

right?

and no matter how many people tell her otherwise, she can't believe it. she can't. because they love each other. so he'd come back.

right?

but she doesn't know that's the reason he left in the first place. he doesn't want her to love him. he knows he'd only hurt her.

but he already has. 

in leaving.

and so she continues to cry and wait for the man she loves. pushing away, every friend she has. knowing that only he can fill the empty place inside of her.

and she feels his hand resting on her shoulder and turns to see him smile at her. and oh, that smile. and she cries. she knows it's not real. the alcohol in her brain is playing tricks on her. she's hallucinating.

you're not real. she mumbles drunkenly and sighs.

i'm home. detective. it's me. 

and she wants to believe him. she does.

she leans to hug him tight. hoping maybe this time it's real. but like always he dissolves away in her fingers. and she curses. she cries. he was never there. he never will be. and she hates her mind for tricking her. it just makes it worse.

and she hears a knocking on the door and doesn't want to open it. she's drunk. she's a mess. she doesn't want to be seen like this. it's probably dan, or ella, or another friend forcing her to stop breaking down over a man that isn't coming back.

but then she finds her self walking to the door anyway. she stumbles as she opens the door.

i don't want to hear what you have to say. i know you think he isn't coming back, but i don't care. she murmurs angrily to the open door, not looking up to who she's talking to.

not quite the reaction i was expecting. the soot-covered man at the door says.

and finally she looks up. her eyes widen. and almost crumbles to the floor.

lucifer?

hi. he smiles. and oh, that smile.