Chapter 1

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Sweat dripping down my forehead as the music fills the studio. I push myself harder delving into the range of emotion the song, "Nobody Can Save Me" by Linkin Park. I feel a tear slip out of my eye. This song seemed like an anthem for me as of recent. Being able to freestyle choreography to it gave me a sense of freedom. At the end of the song, I find myself curled into a fetal position as the music ends with, "Been searching somewhere out there, For something right here" I heard clapping from around me. I pick myself up and run back to the line.

"That is the emotion I want us to draw on! Emotion is a key act everything out," The instructor deemed. I had just joined this studio for a fun change. My childhood studio was still my primary, but I could not do what I just did here because they were family. Hell, I worked there, how could I show that much freedom at my job? "I want you all to start choreographing a piece that speaks to you in such a way that I will feel what you feel. Any genre any music," the instructor ordered. Okay so it wasn't a studio it's a college course on choreography. I was a freshman dance major at New York University.

"Such a showoff," one of the girls muttered as the instructor dismissed us to start our choreography. I ignore it grabbing my phone and headphones to start finding a song and hopefully a genre. I flip to an old playlist of songs I wanted to dance to from my home studio. I groaned not one song was real. I flip to another playlist of songs that makes me feel something. I couldn't find anything that spoke to me like Heavy. I sighed walking up to the instructor.

"Sir, do you mind if I chorography a piece to Heavy? If it must be a solo, it's the only song that speaks to me deeply enough. I have a couple for a duet but nothing like Heavy," I explain.

"That's fine to use Heavy," he nodded.

I smiled putting my earbuds in to start choreographing. I grab my notebook to write it down as I test each phrase's movements.

I sit on the floor knees up grabbing the side of my head as the lyrics start.


"I don't like my mind right now," I bring my elbows in towards my knees and out.
"Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary," I take my hands and slam them onto my knees pushing my body back and pulling myself forward.
"Wish that I could slow things down," I scrunch my face and push the air in front of me my hands twisting.
"I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic," I let my body fall to the ground with let go and back up to sitting by panic
"And I drive myself crazy," placing one hand on my head at a time, I hold my head squeezing. I roll my head in a circle on crazy.
Thinking everything's about me," I place one hand at a time on my chest and push my chest back hunching my shoulders forward.
Yeah, I drive myself crazy," I slam my hands to the ground feet going behind me in a plank. My knees bent and a bit more than shoulder length apart. I roll my head in another circle on crazy.
Cause I can't escape the gravity," my body collapses to the floor as I try to crawl forward repeatedly

I'm holding on," I push myself up on my knees
Why is everything so heavy?" I fall to my back legs extended straight out. I bring my legs back in on heavy.
Holding on," I reach forward pulling myself back up to my behind and swing my knees under me.
So much more than I can carry," I stand up almost dropping to the floor once standing.
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down," I walk forward dragging my feet then turn to stage right stopping on down holding my hand to my chest facing stage right.
If I just let go, I'd be set free," I throw my hands down shaking my head walking backward
Holding on," I turn towards stage left I do an axel turn.
Why is everything so heavy?" I pull my right arm back almost as if someone pulled it turning me to stage right. I place a curled right hand near my temple and left and curled with my right forearm above my head and face the ground.

You say that I'm paranoid," I throw my arms down as if they are being pulled down my eyes closed with face scrunched. With a deep breath, I raise my hands slightly.
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me," I do an exaggerated run forward towards stage right. I stop suddenly at 'world' to do a quick turn to the right ending in the front with a body jolt.
It's not like I make the choice," I step my right foot rocking my body over to it then to my left with the same body motion then cross my feet, right over left, into a plie by choice.

During the small instrumental break, I pop into a lunge with my arms as if I was stretching waking up shoulder leading the pop to the left. I pop back to the right standing upright my right arm curled up hand by my face.
To let my mind stay so fucking messy," I scratch at my head and kick my legs as a walk back almost as if I was trying to climb out of my skin.

"Okay, that's the end of class today. Have your piece ready by next Monday," The instructor clapped as I pulled my earbuds. We had a week to finish our pieces. I packed my bag and left to head to the coffee shop on campus to hopefully write a tentative choreography. As I entered the shop, I saw a poster of a nearby bar's concert tonight. It was a rock concert of some not quite famous touring band. I grabbed it and pocketed it knowing I'd go to hopefully drown my stress away. The coffee shop was busy, and it was too loud to choreograph so I listened to music the best I could. I spent hours at the coffee shop listening to music and finding new songs I want to dance to.  

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