I yearn for the perfect disappearance Ida Mustazir
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He is now eighteen, and it's his birthday. He hasn't come out of his room since his breakup with Natasha two weeks ago, and the added weight of his birthday and what it meant makes Nathan want to disappear.
Neil is the only one brave enough to visit Nathan's room. Today, he's brought both Nathan's dinner and a message. He and Fred are making the special cupcakes, and they ask him to join them.
"I wanna celebrate," Neil says, smiling at him. There's a glimmer of hopefulness in his eyes that makes Nathan feel like a coward. "This shouldn't be a day of mourning. We can celebrate both you and Mom, Nate."
Nathan wants to scream at them both, that the only person that she really belonged to is Nathan. That she was the one who brought him into the world and it's not fair that he has to figure it out without her now. But he shakes his head at his brother. When Neil's smile falls, he doesn't feel bad. When he hears Neil tell his dad that he said no, he doesn't feel bad.
He knows they're disappointed in him for not cooperating, but he's not sure what they expected. A stupid frosted cupcake was nothing if not a superficial representation of everything his mother was. She was more than just artificial sweetness. She was Nathan's mother, not Neil's. Neil still has a living parent, while Nathan was an orphan.
When he smells the cupcakes baking in the oven, Nathan makes sure to lock his door and turn up his music so that he can sob into his pillow.
