01
Today
Some certain things in life don't really have an explanation for them. Some questions are always unanswered, but sometimes it's only because they are unanswerable. For the most part of our lives, we keep trying to get hold of those certain answers, spending hours and days and months and years and even a whole life to get that one answer, running after it, groping desperately in the dark, hoping to catch just some of it, but we never do. It's like that gust of wind that comes and goes, there in front of you but not within your reach. And those questions, while unrelated and unimportant to the rest of this world, they become another of the mysteries of this world and our worlds.
I have an inexplicable tendency to not believe in the established rules and norms and thoughts that the people before me and the people with me hold possession over. It's another one of those many inexplicable mysteries of my own life, why I never believe them. Maybe it's because of my untrusting nature, maybe it's because I think too highly of myself. I don't really know. But that's okay, I think. Maybe this world needs some mysteries of its own.
I would add this to that growing list of mysteries, the fact that I'm willingly and quite eagerly letting a stranger in. It does not even feel difficult to do, as it should and normally would. But I guess, it's just the excitement of finally living my dream-come-true moment. I would never know how I found this particular stranger. I would never know why my heart even docks this weird dream. Maybe it's because telling a stranger everything would help me see through the hazy fractions. Maybe it's because it's been too long and I just want to reminisce about it, with someone else and not alone. Maybe it's because I want to have an unbiased and impartial opinion on the things I have done and the things that have happened. Maybe it's because I want to see if finally, I can talk about them with a smile, to see if I have finally moved past it all. But that's all I'll ever have really, a bunch of maybes. I would never know for sure.
I think of the beginning, where do I begin from? Where did it all begin? Surprisingly, it's not too difficult to figure out. I know where it began. I remember.
I turn towards my dream-fulfilling stranger. He's looking at me as I struggle to grasp the right path of my story. I know the beginning, I know the end. But it's been a long story, and it's difficult to assemble the chapters in the right order. Something about the way he looks at me, though, openly and knowingly and patiently, makes me begin without worrying. The chapters would assemble on their own. I just have to remember my destination.
"Okay, so. I'm Chloe. There's not really much to know about me, so you're possibly going to be really bored and – wait, what's your name?" I ask him, eyebrows furrowed. He may be a stranger, but I don't want him to be a nameless one.
"Nope, I'm not telling you. For all I know, you can turn out to be a creepy stalker who'll download my photos from Facebook and put them up on your dark room walls!" he says, his eyes wide.
I stare at him. "Okay, okay. Don't look at me like that. I know I got the creepy part right, jeez. I'm Andrew, and no, you cannot call me Drew, and no, I'm not telling you my surname because I still have my doubts." I look up towards the sky exasperatedly.
God, help me with this idiot.
"Oh, Andrew, you can't do that! It's the purpose of my life to know your surname so I can stalk you on Facebook! My walls feel so bare without your photos! It has been my dream for your photos to be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first when I wake up since like, forever!" I hold my hands over my wounded heart.
