The Cliffs of Étretat

Chapter 1

Originally I published and started this story in December of 2019 while trying to escape University life and trying to gain back some creative fun through writing a story I failed to find anywhere else. Well, I'm by now sure there are plenty of great stories including Miss Paulson and this has become an abandoned project. But lucky you, because I'm finishing this story by request and hopefully there will be an end to this little adventure soon. 

"Right from the start I knew, you'd set a fire in me. And I'd rather be sad with you, than anywhere away from you. And hey, I can't believe I captured your heart."

For Laura 

The Cliffs of Étretat

The colours of the sky look like a paint box, soft pink, orange and light blue tones adorn the sky and make it look picturesque. Almost too beautiful to be real. But the again, don't we think that about any sunset? I sure do. I sat down on a nearby bench.

Hard to believe I am actually in New York. A dream come true. The decision was impulsive but oh so necessary. I longed for change. I take a breath. I had finished my master's and could return home any time I wanted, I told myself. „ America? So far away? And such a big city as well.." My mother had said skeptically when I told her about my plans. I claimed I found it inspiring which wasn't entirely a lie. She thought my decision was unrealistic and impulsive, but I had always been more of a person who decides by gut feeling. I don't think anyone expected me to actually leave. But I did. I was overcome by the gravity of my decision the last few days. I was here, in New York but at what price? What do I do with an art degree if selling my art turns out to be harder than I had thought? how naive of me to think manifesting and being positive was enough. I chuckled quietly to myself. What have I gotten myself into here huh? It will be fine! I'll simply work in a coffee shop until I have an alternative.

I remember my mother hugging me with tears in her eyes one last time and then letting me go. "To venture out into the wide world", as she reasoned to my relatives. I couldn't possibly have told her why I chose New York. I couldn't even speak the thought out loud so ridiculous and unlikely it seemed to me. I did it to be closer to one of my idols. The thought of living in the same city as her thrilled me, motivated me. About 4 million people living in this city and i was delusional enough to tell myself I'll meet her. And I will just wait because in a few years, I'll work my way up the social ladder and "accidentally" let myself be introduced to her. The possibility itself made me excited.

In my defense, I've always been very impressed by strong women. When I was 14, I had what my father lovingly called my Audrey phase. I think I fell head over heels when I first saw her in breakfast in Tiffany. my nose glued to the screen. From that point on, I watched all the movies she was in. I cut my bangs and wore black flats and turtle necks. Some say that they still see the similarity between Audrey and me even though I haven't tried to copy her for a long time. The only thing left was the framed poster of her in my living room.

But this time it was different, I had grown up. I didn't want to copy anyone I know who I am. But she doesn't leave my mind. her humor, and her quick wit in interviews. In many of my daydreams, she plays the leading role.

I shake my head and banish my daydreams. This is a fresh start. As simple and as complicated as that. I tug my coat tight around me and breathe deeply in. The air ist chilly and it is late but I don't want to go home yet, to my apartment that doesn't feel like home. I put my headphones in and put on some music. I need something to brighten up my mood.

I hear the voice of a preacher from the back room
Calling my name and I follow just to find you...

As the song finishes and I open my eyes, I nearly jump out of my skin and almost fall off the bench. Someone had sat next to me without me even noticing.

„I- I'm  so sorry, I didn't see you there" I crock and add "Miss- Ma'am".  God, why did I just add that? I was terribly embarrassed the other woman looks just as shocked. Wait why does she look so familiar? 

She puts a hand on my arm as if she was afraid that I actually might fall off the bench. I blink and look at her in shock. To my surprise, she laughs "You're surely not the first to Ma'am me but for sure the first to almost fall off a bench in my presence" she chuckles to herself "Not sure what I would be more offended by"

She was joking, right? Please Brain recover from the shock and talk! At least react!

I laugh stiffly. Because of my silence she kept talking. 

„Um.. I heard the song when I walked by and I couldn't resist, it's..catchy."

With an open mouth, I look at my Phone and then back at her. Silence. She smiles and says .. „I'm sorry."

I don't know how, but I manage to smile more genuinely this time. In my head countless thoughts are whirring, well, actually there was a storm in my head. If this was who I think  she is-

„Um, if you don't mind.." She points at my earbuds. I shake my head. She puts it in her ear and I press the replay button trembling.

I'm screaming from my bedroom window
Woke up this morning early before my family
From this dream where she was trying to show me
How a life can move from the darkness
She said to get better
That's why I'm standing on the overpass screaming at myself
Hey, I wanna get better!
I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face
I wanna get better, better, better, better,
I wanna get better.."

And here I was, sitting on a bench, the Bleachers in my right ear and Miss Sarah Catherine Paulson next to me.

To be continued ..

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The song mentioned is called „I wanna get better" by the Bleachers. Inspiration is obviously the muse of this story herself tweeting about it a few years ago.