Solace

five

THE RAIN LOOKED LIKE SPARKLING CRYSTALS through the window of the cafe, in the backdrop of a street lit with strings of bright lights. We decided to settle in the booth right next to the window.

Before we knew it, two cups of hazelnut coffees and two sandwiches were placed before us, and I didn't waste any time before digging in.

The silence was all consuming, and I could feel his stare on me as we ate.

"Do you only drink hazelnut coffee?" I asked out of curiosity. I hadn't met any other person as committed to hazelnut coffee. That night at the ball--I had seen countless flutes of champagne and glasses of wine passed around on platters from the catering staff, and yet he had been drinking hazelnut coffee.

"I swear by hazelnut coffee," he took a sip. "It's been by my side from college all-nighters to work all-nighters. Wine is nice once in a while, but hazelnut coffee makes your heart warmer, doesn't it?"

I nodded, thinking back to all the times I had drank hazelnut coffee, waiting for my father to come back. It gave me hope back then, and though I no longer needed it, hazelnut coffee did make one's heart warmer.

"So Devin tells me you're best friends with his girlfriend."

I nodded with a smile, thinking about Maisie. "He's lucky to have her."

"He's been telling me the past month he'd bring me to meet her," his eyes sparkled. "think you can do something about that?"

I laughed. "I don't know if Devin ever told you, but Maisie was once utterly in love with your brother Seth. He's probably too scared to introduce her to you both."

Recollection appeared on his face, as he remembered what I had told him just yesterday. "Right," he chuckled, "in that case, he's right to be concerned. Seth's a huge flirt."

"And you're not?" I blurted out, curiosity getting the better of me. As soon as the words escaped from my mouth, I regretted it, and I hoped he wouldn't think too much into it.

He looked me in the eye and chuckled. "No, I'm not a player, if that's what you're wondering."

I pursed my lips. Why had I asked that? Why did I just give myself another reason to like him, when I already established that it was a bad idea?

We sat silently for a while, heat swirling from the two cups of hazelnut coffees. A part of me was angry at myself for what I was doing, sitting here with Colton Anderson as if we stood a chance. But another part of me felt so warm and at peace with him.

When my father left, he had left me with confusion and a hole in my heart. I loved Maisie, and she was like a night light in my darkness, but she could never understand the way I would feel empty sometimes. Our personalities were too different. But Colton had that lingering sadness in him that I saw in myself. We were both lost, confused souls.

"Would you give...us...a chance?" his stare penetrated my eyes, and it was hard to keep my unwavering expression in front of him.

I had to admit that I felt something whenever he was near. But we had spent merely two hours together that day, so what could I call that? It definitely wasn't love. It was more like a childhood fanciful moment, blindsided.

"Maybe you should take me home," I muttered, grasping onto my hazelnut coffee.

He didn't make any attempt to move, even whilst I began to hang my purse around my shoulders.

"What are you so afraid of?"

His words paused all my movements, rendering me speechless. Afraid of. There was so much. I hadn't dated anyone these past four years. And I didn't think I ever would have the courage to; not when I still couldn't figure out why my father had left. Not when I still had that tugging feeling that if I fell in love with someone and they left, that would irreversibly break the rest of me, the meager unbroken parts left of me that was hanging by a thread.