It is your first day at a new school called Hope's Peak Academy. You walk through the school gates, savoring the moment. It is a beautiful day outside,the sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, and on days like this, kids like you should be burning in hell. You look for your class for a bit and you finally find it, and everyone seems to be in a big clump of human in the middle of the room.
You look around the room and see that someone is sitting in the corner being lonely, away from the rest of tHe GaNg.
'What is he doing all alone?'
You notice he is brushing his long, silky, lucious dark green L'Oreal Paris hair (because you're worth it), and it almost seems to dance and glow.
"Wow."
You say aloud, but not loud enough for tHe GaNg to notice you. He has some really nice hair. How did he get his hair to get this nice? You finally step into the doorway and walk up to him. You are mesmerized by his sExY mask and you look into his sparkling yellow eyes.
"Who the fuck are you?"
"Who the fuck are you?" He replies, still caressing his silky, luscious L'Oreal Paris hair (because you're worth it).
"I asked first."
"I asked second." The Mike Wazowski-ette says back, he obviously has a Togami sized ego, but you like his hair so you keep talking to him anyway.
"My name is (Y/N). I'm the Ultimate Memer."
He looks at you, kind of confused, and you look at his gUcCi hat as you try to resist the urge to poke it.
"... Korekiyo ShinGuCcI, the Ultimate Anthropologist."
'Huh. He should be the 'Ultimate sExY Hair' because of his silky, lucious L'Oreal Paris hair (because you're worth it.)' You think.
You have an awkward time of silence while you wonder how you can hear his voice through his thicc mask. Does he wear it all the time? Its not even flu season.
'There must be a reason.'
You think, but you brush it off when you realize that you've been staring at him, so you blush slightly and run away flustered.
You realize that you like him and his silky, lucious L'Oreal Paris hair (because you're worth it) and that you still really, really wanna poke his hat.
'Dammit, I'm gonna go ask a certain successful couple for advice on ShinGuCcI-chan!'
You wait until lunch to find the bootiful lovebirds.
'They will be there. Its inevitable!' You walk into the lunchroom and you smile because you are right.
"Hey! (Y/N)! Over here!"
"Hey Komaeda, Hinata!"
You walk up to the fluffy couple and their food stands. Nagito sells hope bagels and Hajimeme sells orange juice.
Somehow, they are in every single school I go to, always selling hope bagels and orange juice. You grab some of Nagito's hope bagels and Orange Juice.
"Hey, can I talk to you guys about something?"
"Sure!"
You decided to talk at a peaceful spot away from everyone else. It is a small field that somehow fits in your school, and it may or may not be the same one that Kaito and Kokichi were talking in in that OumaSai fic I wrote.
"Why did you want to talk?"
"I really like this guy named Korekiyo and his silky, lucious L'Oreal Paris hair (because you're worth it.) Oh yeah, also I only met him today, but meh."
You pull out a Korekiyo meme to show them his hair, your seemingly useless Ultimate sometimes comes in handy.
"You're right, he does have nice hair." Hajimeme says approvingly.
"Too bad he doesnt have an Ahoge," Nagito says, "Cause then you can't succ it like I suck Hajime's-"
"Sorry (Y/N), were going now."
Hajimeme said as he picked up Nagito and walked away.
~
"Stop it you're making me horny during school!" Said Hajimeme.
"Dammit are you gonna relieve this sexual tension?"
So then Nagito and Hajimeme started making out and they forgot that they were in public at a school. So that was how every single boy in Hope's Peak Academy got a boner at the same time. Except Ishimaru.
~
You sigh because of Nagito and Hajimeme.
'Oh well, screw them. I'll just think of something myself.'
~Timeskip to a few months later~
Over the months that you have known Korekiyo, you have gotten much closer to him. One thing that he still won't tell you is how he mananges his silky, lucious L'Oreal Paris hair (because you're worth it). You think it is time for you to tell Korekiyo that you like him.
You started to hang out with him Korekiyo everyday.
'Okay, today's the day I tell Korekiyo that I like him and I think hes hAwT and sExY and I want to kiss and fuck him-'
You go over to your usual meeting place. It is the same corner where you first met him that one day. He's patiently waiting for you come, your late as usual. You approach him and his silky, lucious L'Oreal Paris hair (because your worth it).
"Heeeeeyyy Kiyo!"
"Hi (Y/N)."
"Soooooooooooo... I needa tell you something..." You say hesitantly.
"I may or may not like and want to kiss and fuck you-"
"Oh really? I always liked your (H/L) (H/C) hair, your beautiful (E/C) eyes, and your sHiNy (S/C) skin, and you're kinda hAwT. But-"
Oh yay. He likes you back! So you decide to assult him with a kiss. You rip his mask the fuck off and then you put your nasty ass mouth on his beautiful LIPSTICK covered lips and then someone slaps you.
"SKSKSKSKSK BITCH STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY BROTHER!"
"Only I'm allowed to kiss and fuck him!" 'Korekiyo' says.
"What the fuck!? Who are you and what have you done to my silky, lucious, L'Oreal Paris hair (because you're worth it) boyfriend!?"
"And I oop!" I'm his sister, you fucking whore!" She takes out her hydro flask and starts swinging it at you.
"You fucking demon and brotherphile! Stay away from Kiyo!"
You dodge her attacks skillfully with the power of cringy memes.
"Be gone, Bitch!"
"Shut up, your only jealous that only I get to kiss and fuck Kiyo!"
"Well I'm gonna kiss and fuck Kiyo too!"
So then you go and french kiss Kiyo ('s sister) and then she get aRoUsEd because you just tongue kissed her. So then you kiss and fuck her, and then she says "Bye bitch!" and puts the mask back on.
Kiyo's back. He immediately flinches. He looks, ahem, disturbing. Y'all are still half naked.
"...What the fuck happened with my sister?"
"...Nothing important..."
"Okay... I'm gonna like, go now..."
He walks away from you slowly and you watch him before he disappears from sight.
Word count: 1141
Date published: 10 December 2019
