There are two kinds of love

Saying goodbye

Black. I've never seen so many people wearing black before. Well, apart from our school uniforms of course. The only difference this time, is that there were tears everywhere I looked. It was an emotional day. For my Mum and Dad, for my younger sister.. and for me. It was Lukas' funeral. My older brother. He died at the age of 18 by a hit and run. I wanted to cry. I wanted nothing more than to break down into my Mother's arms, wailing to the heavens for my brother to come back. However, I couldn't. I couldn't shed a single tear. Don't get me wrong, I loved Lukas with all my heart, I really did. But, there were too many people. You see, I have a hard time showing my feelings around people. It's just something I've never been able to do. Well, I tell a lie. I say everyone, but the only person who has ever seen me cry (apart from my mother when I was younger, of course) was laying peacefully in front of me in an eternal sleep.

"Sarah.."

I craned my neck to look at my Mother, Ester. Even with tears falling from her puffy green eyes, she still looked like an angel. Mum smiled towards me, her red cheeks shining with tears that were surely going to stain.

"Why don't you go and put your flower down? H-He'd like that." I could hear her voice crack and see her lips visibly twitch. She's been trying to stay strong for so long.

I nodded, slowly standing from my seat at the back. I don't know why we chose to sit at the back. Family normally sit right at the front, a clear shot of their dead relative. But we sat right at the back, away from all the prying eyes, buring with sympathy and sadness for us. I slowly walked down the isle, feeling all the eyes on my form. I silently gulped, not liking the attention. Why did they have to watch, why did they even have to come? None of them knew Lukas.. Not like I did.

I stopped in front of the dull coffin. Looking down at his pale face, his brown eyes he got from dad hidden from the world forever, his light brown hair that looked just as soft as it felt, never to be tousled again. His smile, never to bright up a room like it used to. His voice.. I'll never get to hear him whisper that it will all be alright. I'll never get to greet him in the morning. I'll never get to spend another Christmas with my big brother again.

With a shaky hand, I gently, almost hesitantly placed a large sunflower on his bright blue coffin. Blue. His favourite colour. I could feel the confused stares at the flower. I didn't think it necessary to put a rose or a tulip down like everyone else. I chose a sunflower because he was my sun. The sunflower will stand out from every other flower, it will always remind him that the sun will never go down, or be forgotten. Just like Lukas.

I smiled softly, placing my hand on the top of the coffin, where his heart should be.

"I'll never forget you, Lukas. Sleep tight, my prince," I whispered, closing my eyes as if only him and myself mattered in that moment. Because it did. Right now, No one else. Not mum, not dad, not even my little sister Ellie mattered to me right now. It was just me and my best friend.

A large, warm hand fell onto my shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. Turning around I was faced with my dad, Andrew. His own brown eyes glistening with unshed tears. It just goes to show, no matter how tough a parent, a child's death can break even the toughest of hearts.

"C'mon, sweetheart. It's time to go." He sent me a smile only a daughter could receive before his eyes darted to the coffin; sandess, anger and another feeling I couldn't recognise flashed across his eyes.

Nodding slowly, I glanced at Lukas' coffin for the last time. My breathing grew heavy as I knew this was it. 'No. No tears. Not yet' I repeated to myself. I refused to show anything. I let dad guide me away as I avoided all unecessary eye contact. They'll never undertand this pain.

As I got towards the end of the isle, mom and Ellie where ready to go. Mum held Ellie in her arms tightly, as if she was her life line. Mum and dad shared a glance at one another, both knowing the upcoming days, weeks, even months wouldn't be the same. No, nothing will be the same.

"Mummy, where is lukas?" Ellie asked.

I could tell that no matter how much preperation she made, mum would never be ready for that question. So dad answered, though I could hear the shakiness in his voice.

"Lukas has gone to live with the angels in heaven, baby girl," he said softly, placing his hand on Ellie's cheek.

I don't think Ellie understood fully as her big curious brown eyes gazed over Mum's shoulder to look at Lukas' coffin. I thought she was going to ask who was in there. However, nothing else came from her.

We didn't stay to watch the coffin being lowered, none of us could handle it. Especially me. I stayed quiet the whole car journey home. A couple of sniffles coming from Dad and Mum's hiccups were all that filled the silence. I stared up at the darkening sky, the stars and moon making themselves known. I picked out a star, the brightest one I could find and placed my finger on the cold glass, hovering over the shining ball of gass. That, would be Lukas.

"Sleep tight, Lukas. Never forget me.."