shooting gold

excess

my head
                           swims

what is this i feel?
exhaustion or     
           n a u s e a?
are you slur-ring your words
or is it me
with three heads and two fingers?

you sip the need and swallow the life

the mush frolicking in your stomach
so full, so very full and sated
it's too much.

you thought it would make everything alright
you lied to yourself (again).

you still remember?
then shoot gold in the toilet stall
it doesn't solve anything
but it's familiar.

one two

it's rushing through your body

breathe one two

let it flow

gold in the sky     in your eyes

(                           )
why do you this
      because then the problems disappear
.
.
.
.
no they don't.

if i don't see them, then they are gone.

swallow the sick and carry on again
pretend you won't shoot gold again

but when the gold stars are long gone
you'll do it
again.