Fragile World

The Green Man

The vast ocean above that's present and clear to see at night is something that I've always loved; from the heavenly bodies that light it up, sometimes twinkling and winking to me or to some fellow observer, the ever-changing phase of the moon that has always alluded me, to the peaceful and tranquility that they give me. I loved everything about the cosmos that is space. Loved.

My thirteenth birthday probably marks the first day that I fell in love with the void. My parents bought me a stargazer telescope for a present and I can't l express properly -- whether it'll be by talking or by writing -- how I felt when I first saw the fascinating space through its lens. It was quite an exhilarating experience and the excitement or thrill or whatever it was that I felt told me that it was something that I'll love doing for the rest of my life -- and it wasn't an entirely wrong feeling.

Years passed since I've first got the stargazer telescope but never did my fascination fade away and out of me. Space attracted me in what I would say, a weird way. Technically, it was nothing but a void filled with gigantic rock spheres and gas spheres which floats, asteroids, and a giant ball of fire. One could even say that space is lifeless but even if that is the case, it is space that gives me life. After a long stressful day -- from school back then and now from work -- I would just go to my telescope and *poof* it feels like the stress that I've accumulated magically goes away. Space constantly reminds me of how irrelevant we are and our problems are on the whole image. We are just nothing but a speck of dust and in the end, our struggles don't even matter… And I find that comforting. I find space comforting… until.

When I first noticed it, I thought it was just a star that I missed from all of my years of stargazing. An odd star that strangely is color green. I've heard of a blue, red, and yellow star in almost all of my science class but never have I heard of a green one. As soon as I saw it, I went to the internet with a heart that is pumping with joy and excitement.
Maybe I am the first one to discover one!, I thought to myself.
I typed, "Is there a green-colored star?" On the search bar and after I hit the enter button, I felt quite defeated with search results. I browsed and read hard but to sum it all up, It said that there are a few stars that appear green to other observers of space like me but the color green was nothing but an optical illusion. Words can't describe how disappointed I was. I thought I had seen something new and it turns out, some are aware of them and they are not even real. Just optical illusions.

Days passed and I kept seeing it but I never gave it the same attention when I first saw it. In fact, I felt so disappointed by it that I actually pretended it wasn't there at all. Although, one day, I've noticed that for some reason... It grew bigger. At first, I thought to myself that it was just an optical illusion and our science has an explanation as to why it appears that it got bigger. That was what I engraved in my mind until I saw it growing and growing and growing and I couldn't help my self but look at it; be fascinated by it. I could say that it was twinkling but… I felt like it wasn't the right word… instead, it feels more that it glitters(?) I found myself extremely curious about what it is but I didn't even bother searching about it again. Maybe because I was afraid to be disappointed again about how it can be "easily" explained and be deemed as an optical illusion. So instead of searching, I relied on my mind and speculated about what it is.
Is it a star? Possible but unlike the others, it emits green light.
Is it a planet? No, but if it really is a planet, then it is something new and something that I've never heard, seen, or read of.
Is it an alien? It's too big to be an alien but I'm not ruling out the possibility that it is not a spacecraft.

Then, another night when I discovered something odd about it. When I peeked through the stargazer again, it now looked… bizarre. It isn't something that I could call a star nor a planet. The size that it had amassed by this time made its shape a lot clearer to me. Not enough to tell its exact definite shape but enough to tell it isn't just a shiny ball but rather something oddly shaped... Something oddly familiar. It still glittered and is still color green. It's no question that I've felt the hype again; the sense of thrill and excitement. I grabbed my pencil and color pencils and some paper that I found in my drawer. I drew the green thing in space. I wasn't really sure of what it was but I let my imagination run wild. The drawing was bad as I am not really an artist and I never paid any attention to my drawing skills but seeing how my imagination interpreted its appearance felt quite great. When I was done and called it a day, I went to my bed with a smile on my face that day was irremovable. It was a beautiful feeling. I touched my heart and it beat fast like I was in love. I've always loved the vast ocean above but It felt like it made me love it more when I saw that bizarre green thing...

As soon as I got home from work, I would rush to the stargazer and would peek at it. I was like a kid coming home to his or her favorite gaming console. The routine repeated for months; watching over it, drawing it, then sleeping. Its shape in my drawings was ever-changing but I've always loved the results. Although there is one thing that I know was constant, it was the smile on my face and the continuously fluctuating happiness.

I think the best word to describe it was that I was obsessed with it. Sometimes, I would even forget to remove my shoes off my feet or eat dinner. It was the only thing that occupied my mind, especially at night. It kept growing like how I first noticed it and its size it has amassed is impossibly huge, in my opinion. One night, after I got home from work. I predictably rushed to the stargazer and peeked through it and now, I've noticed something about it. It was now "big" enough to finally get an image of what its shape is and oddly enough… its shape is like that of a man. A large green man that is floating adrift in space. I couldn't explain what I felt but I knew deep inside it was no longer excitement or thrill… but something different. Nevertheless, it awed me in a way I didn't expect and I kept on looking at it for an hour or so until I grabbed a pencil and a paper to drew it. I drew a bald man with skinny features but never gave it a face as it is still not visible enough for me to see. I didn't let my imagination run wild this time for... It terrified me. Instead, I just colored it with green using one of my colors pencils. The result was great, I would've had said… but if I did, I knew I was lying to myself. Because it wasn't great. Not the drawing but the thing… the Green Man that I saw… It wasn't great to see it. In fact, I was disturbed by it. I expected stars or planets or asteroids by looking at the stargazer but not… that. I went to bed that day and closed my eyes instantly. The smile on my face was no longer there.

After that, I found myself distancing from the stargazer. After a long day at work, I would just eat my dinner then go straight to bed. I felt ambivalent about it. I didn't want to see it again because it was disturbing for me but the other half of me does want to see it. Again. I let a few weeks passed by before touching the stargazer again and when I did finally touch and peeked through it again… I never viewed space the same way again.

My breathing was heavy. My heart jumped continuously… in an interval that is alarming for me. The Green Man now grew larger than ever… or probably I shouldn't use or I should have not used the word bigger in the first place as now I realized that it wasn't gaining size but rather… it was looming closer; floating towards the Earth or at least, its trajectory happens to be close to the Earth. Imagining it as a static green humanoid creature(?) is horrifying enough but now… seeing it move… I felt a level of terror that I never knew I would feel. It constantly moved his arms. Its legs… or whatever they are also moved but not in a way I would consider natural. It was as if what I saw baptized and challenged my sense of what is natural. It was glittering still but I've also noticed the green color of its skin(?) Is changing constantly -- its hue is changing constantly and the green was something that is not seen on the Earth in any way... It was alienish. The head was now visibly clear and it was something that I didn't expect. It did have a mouth like that of a human but its eyes are nonexistent... Or at least in the "natural" way. It has no forehead for its shape resembles that of a crescent moon. It was looming closer, and closer, and closer and the thought of it doing so... It is just horrifying. Then… It may have seen this one wrong but…
It felt like it looked at me. The Green Man shifted its head and looked at me.

I flinched and threw myself away from the stargazer. Whatever it was… I never want to see it again nor does half of my body that said once that it wants to also no longer want to see it again. In fact, I never want to see the space again. It terrified me to a level that I didn't know was possible and I trembled badly. I wasn't able to sleep that night nor was I able to function like my normal self the next coming days. It appeared as if it was coming… approaching the Earth and if it was… I did not want to see it.
It was coming... Of course, it is coming… it'll come I'm sure of it and I'm sure that I never want to see it again.
Fuck, it is coming.
It is coming!
I told everyone about it, my coworkers, my friends, the strangers on the street and even my family. But none of them believed me… What the hell, it is coming I'm sure of it. It is approaching the Earth and I no longer want to see it. If no one will believe me now, then they'll see it for themselves and I wouldn't want them to feel the level of terror that I've felt.

The Green Man is coming.
And I no longer want to see it.
They didn't believe me but they'll eventually see.
But not me… I no longer want to see it.
I don't want to see the Green Man again.