the Secret Life of Damien Carmichael

9. Apology Letter (part II)

Damien wracked his brain, trying to figure out how to properly apologize for what he had said. But every time he was even in close enough proximity to actually say the words, he would get tongue-tied, or otherwise interrupted, or Oliver would be doing everything in his power to ignore him.

Damien groaned, why was this so difficult? He had never had this much trouble apologizing before, he thought, miserably. Perhaps if you didn't feel the need to do something you had to apologize for, his mind cajoled him. 

He sighed, burying his face in his hands.

By Thursday, Damien was at his wit's end. He had spent the better part of the week trying to figure out how best to apologize and was no closer than he had been at the beginning of the week. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Damien opened up his phone and looked through his messages on Tumblr. The top-most message was a note from Adam:

Sorry I've been gone for a while. Kind of rough here at school. Nothing to worry about, I just... SMH... anyway... how are you?

Damien nearly laughed. How was he? He wondered if he should ask Adam how best to handle this situation?

Well, I made rather an ass out of myself to someone I should have been nice too and I've spent the past week trying to figure out how to apologize because words aren't really my forte apparently.

Damien hit send before he could think too hard on it and debated whether or not he should wait for an answer. Scrolling through his Tumblr, Damien looked through the latest notes on the most recent chapter of his fic. It was going well even though it felt like he hadn't written anything for it in ages. A few moments later, faster than he had expected, a new message popped into his inbox. Damien opened it excitedly, grateful that Adam was able to respond so quickly.

Words aren't your forte? Last I checked, you are VERY good with words. You are the foremost Addius writer after all. Surely you can think of a way to apologize to a person at the very least in writing? How close are you to this person?

Not very, Damien thought. Not as close as I'd like to be, Damien shook his head, pushing that particular thought out of his mind. Perhaps a letter would be best. He hadn't really considered it as an option before. It felt so impersonal, and yet... it wasn't as if he and Oliver were friend-friends. He couldn't just apologize like he had with Carrie.

Sucking a deep breath, Damien quickly typed up a thank you to Adam for his assistance, then pulled up a note on his phone to begin work on a proper apology. It would have to be handwritten if he wanted it to be taken seriously, but at the very least he could start on his phone.

Dear Oliver,

(I'm sorry wouldn't exactly cut it, would it? Damien thought. It was vague and general, and honestly what kind of a writer was he if he couldn't properly formulate why he was sorry, to begin with?)

Firstly, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I had no right to make the comment I did this past weekend about your parents. It was petty and wrong, and I deeply regret it. Please understand that don't expect your forgiveness. Frankly, if it was me, I don't know if I would forgive me, but I wanted to apologize because... I feel terrible about what I said. I'd like to say that it's not the sort of person that I am, but I've said it, so one wonders if that's really true. I've spent the last week trying to figure out why I said it, and though it's unsatisfactory to me, the only reason I can come up with is that I wanted to hurt you. Perhaps out of fear. Though of what I couldn't hope to say. That's no excuse, and so I can only say that I'm sorry. It doesn't change it, and perhaps what I've said is unforgiveable. If I could take it back, I would, but I know that I can't so I can only move on with the knowledge that this is not the sort of person I want to be. I know we aren't friends exactly, but I hope that perhaps we could move forward as, at the very least acquaintances.