300 Days

Chapter 3

"A charity?"

I nodded at my Dad.

"Opo sana Dad. If that's possible po."

"Wala naming problema, but since when did you have an interest doing charity work?" I suddenly stopped eating.

"I just want to help Dad. And besides magbe-benefit din naman po 'yung company natin if we put up this foundation. They'll lessen the tax somehow, hindi naman po ganun kalaki ang magagastos ng foundation compared sa tax na mababayaran nyo just in case."

The dining table is so silent as they listen to me.

"Hon, Ja is right. That's actually a good idea." Medyo nakahinga ako ng maluwag dahil sa pag-sang ayon ni Mommy.

"Okay then, but I trust you'll take care of the admin job since you thought of this idea." I smiled a wide one.

"Yes Dad, thank you po."

After dinner umakyat na agad ako sa kwarto ko. My parents and I seem to be fine, yeah? But in fact, hindi naman talaga kami ganon ka-close. Dad's busy with his businesses, si Mom, favorite nya 'yung dalawa ko pang kapatid. They're at Japan right now for their studies kaya hindi ko sila kasama dito, but even though they're here we''re never talking naman. It was as if there's a tall wall that's been built between us, they probably hate me. I mean, sino ba namang may gusto na magkaroon ng kapatid na kasing pathetic ko?

I took my antidepressant before I lie on my bed. I closed my eyes and sigh.

Some days I'll be fine, then shit will just came up one day and it will torment me so bad I just wanna die as soon as fuckin possible, but I guess I'll just endure it, after all I just have 298 days left to live, might as well dance with the pain for a little longer.

I slowly close my eyes and crawl my way to sleep, my temporary death.

"Nurse, may patient ba kayong Nyx dito?" I asked the nurse on the information desk.

"Ano pong apilyido Ma'am?" I bit my lower lip.

"Uhm, hindi ko kasi alam ang surname nya eh!"

"Ay ma'am kaano-ano nyo po ba ang patient?"

"Uhm.." I don't know him actually."Actually, nevermind, I'll just call his friends." Excuse ko at saka naglakad palayo sa information.

I have no classes today and either I don't understand why I brought myself here in the hospital. It's been a week since I saw him, impossible naman atang naka-confine pa rin sya until now. Hindi naman sya mukang may malalang sakit.

All of a sudden ay nakaramdam ako nang panunuyo ng lalamunan so I decided to run to a vendo machine near the elevator only to seea guy in a hospital gown hitting the machine. What the fuck?

"Ano ba? Sayang 'yung sampung piso ko!" He said as he hit the vendo.

I cleared my throat and he looked at me.

Shit.

"That's not how a vending machine works." I said and walked towards him, I inserted money and pressed the button of the fruit soda twice and two cans came falling down. I took the cans and handed one to him. "Here."

"T-thanks." He said innocently.

"Bayad na ko sa 'yo ha? Here." I handed his handkerchief back to him.

"Hindi mo naman ako nagbabayad para sa panyo." He took it and put it in his hospital gown. "Why're you here?"

"I was looking for you."

"Nalove at first sight ka ba?" I coughed out the soda I was drinking.

"Ang kapal mo naman." He laughed hard and smiled.

"Ikaw? Ba't nandito ka pa?"

"Syempre, malulungkot 'yung mga nurse dito kapag nawala ako. Wala na silang gwapong pasyente."

"Kapag nakakita ako ng syringe dito isasaksak ko sa leeg mo." He pouted. "Wag mo kong ngusuan, hindi ka cute."

"Ang sungit mo naman." I snap at him, I never thought he could have this kind of personality. "I was just kidding, ang seryoso mo eh! And besides, your eyes are dead. At least nabuhay nang konti nung nagsungit ka."

I stopped and look at him, dumbfounded.

"You..."

"Your eyes looks like they're always about to burst tears."

"I don't know what you're saying. I'm leaving. I have no other business with you, naibalik ko na ang panyo mo." I stood up and walk away from him.

I don't understand, how could he see through me? No one has ever done that before. Was he bluffing? Eyes don't freaking speak for God's sake!

I don't know if I'm shocked or I'm just scared—scared that someone might finally saw through my secret. I never told anyone about my condition, not even my parents. Ayokong kawaan ako ng kahit na sino. Hindi ko kailangan ng awa o ng simpatya. I just need everyone to leave me alone.

I don't want to see him again. I shouldn't see that guy ever again.

DISCLAIMER: The things that are written here aren't put on this page for you to do it on yourself. Your life is valuable. You are loved. You are important.

National Center for Mental Health Crisis Hotline can be reached through the following numbers:

0917-899-USAP (8727)
0917-989-8727

It's okay not to be okay. You are not alone.