PerfectionDefinition [AndrewBiersack]

Admit It, You're Addicted.

Rain was lightly hitting the window, causing the inside of this hotel to be colder than usual and me to curl up even tighter in the blankets.

I was supposed to be getting up. So I could get ready to start the day with the man I hated most.

But I'd prefer to just stay here. We had no sets today, so today was our lazy day, and I intended on making it just that.

But the pure bliss of the silent solitude was interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. I groaned, not moving.

"Piss off." I let out, curling deeper into the thin sheets. I heard a small scoff followed by a light chuckling.

"It's Andy Biersack." I heard, and I moaned. Great. He's already freaking here.

"Piss off!" I yelled again, and this time I heard a small laugh. What the hell? Was he seriously laughing at me?!

"What's so damn funny, Biersack?" I called out, resisting my urge to go punch him in the face.

The door opened and Radke gave me a tight lipped smile, Andy standing beside him, his blue eyes smoldering. I scoffed.

"What do you two want?" I asked, covering my face with the thick blanket. I heard footsteps and my eyes hurt a little as I was almost blinded by Radke turning on the light and tugging the blanket away from my face.

"Get your ass up, whore. We're starting today." Radke mused with a small smirk. I rolled my eyes.

That was one of my nicknames. Whore. And I called him Dumbass in return.

I groaned, crawling from the bed, flipping a bird towards the two as they shuffled out to let me change.

I changed into an old Metallica T-shirt, my piercings cold against my lips as the shirt brushed over them. I pulled an old pair of grey skinnies on as well, my signature chain hanging from my belt loops and clanking.

My old converse squeaked against the linoleum, a sound that for some reason bothered me.

Andy and Radke waited at the end of the hallway, Radke wearing his signature FIR jean jacket and Andy in his usual dark clothes.

I pulled a cigarette from my pocket, lighting it, the small flame calming in this huge cold place.

"Are you ready?" Radke asked. I nodded, not saying anything. Andy just followed us out into the cold air. Since it was raining it was worse. Radke pulled open an umbrella, Andy standing beneath it as well.

I scoffed at their offering, continuing to walk along the road of the French street. In case you haven't already noticed, pride was something I had way too much of.

I tried to not accept help. It was just something I did. I refused any kind of help. I just didn't like the feeling of it. Someone helping me when I sure as hell didn't want it.

I stopped, allowing them to catch up to me in the cold rain.

"Where are we even going?" I asked, looking over at the two men. Andy's blue eyes pierced my own, smirking lightly at me.

"You'll see." he stated, beginning to walk again. I rolled my eyes, following them to a small white painted building.

"Where are we?" I asked bitterly, shaking my head to relieve my hair of some of the cold water that had fallen into it.

They didn't answer and went into a room, me following behind with a confused expression spread across my features.

Other people sat around inside, their expressions similar to mine in the fact that I was not amused.

Andy turned to me, smirking lightly. "This is a addiction seminar." he mused, and I was instantly disgusted.

"Hell no!" I cried, turning to leave, but Radke stood in my way.

"Sorry, Kai. You have to. The first step is admitting you have an addiction." he mused with a shrug.

I sighed, clenching my fists at my sides. I didn't want this. I didn't need this.

"We only have to come here once." he added, and I decided I should just let it go and do this. For him.

I nodded with a small sigh, going back to my seat and sitting down irritatedly.

***

About twenty minutes later, a tall, thin man came through the door carrying a clipboard and a bored and irritated expression.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Winters, I'll be your seminar adviser this meeting." he said with a sigh, sitting down at the top of the circle.

"Why don't we start with the newbies?" he asked, pointing to me.

I raised an eyebrow, but stood. "Um... The name is Kai, and... I'm an addict." I said with a shrug as a chorus of hello went through the room.

Winters nodded, going to someone else. Then it hit me. I was an addict. I was an alcoholic.

I'd always been aware of it, but I'd never admitted it to myself before. It was always something I'd never preferred to think about. I'd just been aware that it was happening.

Realizing this fact bothered me. That my pride had gotten in the way of me fully realizing that I was dying.

The others in the room said that they were addicts as well, then Winters done into talking about why. I was nervous. I didn't like talking about things like this.

"Kai, why are you an alcoholic?" I heard, breaking my thoughts. I looked up, looking over at Mr. Winters, his dark eyes trailing my movements.

I sighed. "I don't know."

He nodded and sighed as well. "There has to be a reason."

"Well there's not." I snapped, looking down at my hands and at the tattoo trailing my thin wrist.

He nodded. "I see..." he said, writing something on his clipboard then moving on to the person beside me.

***

"We don't have to go back." Andy said quietly as we left the small building. It wasn't raining anymore, which I was thankful for. But it wasn't really sunny either.

I nodded, thankful I no longer had to go to a meeting of strangers and talk about why I did certain things. I closed my mouth tightly, the cold metal of my piercings calming me down.

"Good." I mused, and we headed back towards the hotel.

[Andy's Thoughts]

I watched the short girl make her way back inside the hotel. I smiled lightly to myself. She'd admitted it. She had admitted her addiction. That's all I really wanted her to do.