Surroundings

DEPRESSION

I don't say I am in depression now because my conditions are not so severe yet; it keeps going on and on.

What I am afraid of has been occurred; sadness comes unexpectedly in my brain that everything is shut down to black no matter which corner I turn to is all dark.

My brain is blank; all information just vanishes no matter how hard I try; I can remember nothing.

There are moments I wanna lock myself in the dark room, no eating, no talking, no interaction with people or the world itself. Just wanna be alone! I wish people told me that I am just lazy or dramatic; I wish it is just a lazy phase; I wish it is but I guess it isn't. It is not temporary; getting up in the morning, I can't feel the smile or happy but to be sad and angry. I am angry to myself, I am mad with people, I am mad with everything surrounding me, I am mad with my life and I am mad with the WORLD or at least with ''my world''. I can't find any interests to do or hobbies yet what I wanna do is to be alone and sleep without waking up.

My energy is drown out like a fluid flows from a bottle. My anxiety keeps crashing to my brain and my mind starts to wander crazily to wherever I lost in the middle of nowhere.

I wish my conditions arebetter; I wish I could have people to be open and be there for me. I wish I canfigure out my trust issues again. I wish I could tell myself that I will bebetter when getting up. I wish I stop lying to myself but be true to myself. Iwish people around me accept me for whom I am not who they want me to be. Iwish my family is happy to accept me no matter what sexuality orientation Ihave.