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★彡
"So, would you say that affected you in a major way?" Mrs. Union asked me as she tapped her pen against the notepad that apparently "held all my thoughts".
I thought about the question long and hard before sighing. Here we go again. "Uhm, I guess in a way I didn't have a normal teenage life until I hit 18. But I'd never hold a grudge against her for what she did because it was my fault anyway. If I wouldn't have said anything then she would be here. Free." I spoke, staring blankly into space.
"No. Remember what I told you Lee, you wont get anywhere if you continue to blame yourself. She did what any mother would do if they found out". Ms. Union said with a soft sigh, but also in a demanding tone. I couldn't help it. I couldn't help but blame myself for every single reason why my mom was in prison.
I knew that was one of my biggest problems. Disregarding my own feelings to make sure others don't get hurt. A bad habit I guess.
I had known Ms. Union for about 5 years now. I started coming to therapy when I was around 20, I was low key tired of bottling stuff inside. I needed someone to vent to. I met Ms. Union when I was 19, so I was pretty comfortable around her—even though I hadn't opened up to her about everything. But she pretty much knows about everything I went through.
I was happy that I had someone to vent to and talk about the shit that I really didn't need to hold in. The last time I held in the way I was feeling—it didn't end too good. And when you add Lisa and Patty into the mix, it just makes everything 10 times harder.
I can tell she noticed how spaced out I got because she cleared her throat and passed me a cup of what i'm guessing was coffee. I guessed wrong cause when I brought the cup up to my lips, I internally gagged. Tea, I hate tea. But I continued to sip it, not wanting to cause a scene.
"Go on, tell me how you feel. About life in general, and this time, none of that blaming nonsense". Ms. Union said.
I sighed, not knowing where to start. "I feel like i'm doing ok, I mean it's not much to my life. I rarely even think about the shit anymore, so I guess that's a good thing. Ian go lie, i'm still stressed most of the time. I feel like i'm babysitting a grown as man, and don't get me wrong, I love my nieces to death—but i'm not the one who laid down and made them, but it's like somehow they make it my responsibility to do everything that he's supposed to do." I used to get mad every time I thought about it, but i'm pretty much used to it now.
