♛ 𝕷𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊 ♛ ~ Peter Parker [1]

high flyer

the floodgates open and hot tears pour out of my eyes. i hang up the phone and sit there in silence as tears roll down my cheek, past my chin, grazing my neck and soaking into my shirt.

my chest feels like it's trying to squeeze my heart out and my eyes are becoming sore from crying, along with my throat as i try to hold back tears.

i'm home alone, to which i'm glad because i don't want to make mj uncomfortable with my emotions.

i sit unmoving for what feels like hours, crying until my body is too tired to anymore. i spend the time thinking, first trying to wrap my head around it. how will this affect my life? is a question that bounces around in my head. she'll never get to see her grandchildren if i have any, no more family holidays, my dad is left alone with my brother, my brother. he's so young, and to be ripped away from his mother like that. this will probably effect him worse than me.

my mind drifts to memories, good memories of my mother. from baking with her, to shopping for clothes, putting together a puzzle, going to the park with my baby brother, all the way to her telling me she was proud.

my chest tightened again as i cling to these memories of her, tears spilling down my face again.

i need to get some air

i pull on my jacket and shoes, leaving my apartment. i walk to central park. my face is most definitely red and puffy, but that's the least of my worries. is stranger going to be looking at me for more than one glance anyway?

i situate myself on an empty bench and get pulled back into my mind, now the only place where my mom exists; at least to me.

a toddler caught my eye. he was wandering alone looking like a lost puppy. i'm instinct i approach him and catch his attention.

"are you lost?" i ask him. he nods with a sad look and his lip quivering.

"i can't find my mommy." his head bows.

"why don't we go find her?" i suggest. i can tell he's hesitant towards strangers, so he stares up at me for a moment before responding.

"i've look everywhere!" he cries. the kid looks like he's about to burst into tears.

"okay then, why don't we go sit down and wait for her then. she'll come around eventually." i lead the boy to my park bench. he sits and i take a seat next to him.

"are you sad too?" he asks. i nod softly.

"i lost my mommy too." i answer truthfully.

"we'll go find her then." the boy suggests. i chuckle quietly at his innocence.

"sorry, kid. she's far, far away from here. unlike your mommy who's looking for you right now."

"i'm sure your mommy is looking for you right now too!" i can tell the kid is trying to comfort me, but i'm not the right person to give him this life lesson.