My head aches as I sit up in bed. It felt like it was filled with led yet light as air. My sight spun like smoke. I tried to recall the last time I had a proper glass of water. The apartment was cold now that the buzz of French wasn't in the hair and the laughter of a female voice, or just any voice at that matter. My skin became goose bumps as the blanket that was once overnight my chest now pooped at my hips. Alone on Christmas because of self banishment and because of the need for a break from-it wasn't her fault. I'm just getting worse in being socially, where I'm not either high or drunk. Pity, I could go for either of those choices at the moment. I looked to the phone plugged into the outlet near my bed and checked for any messages. The few messages I had that I actually cared about were from the usual suspects; all wishing a "Merry Christmas!" I sighed scrolling through them. Suddenly one caught my eye from Matt. I opened the message and scanned over it once more. It read
Hi mate, I know you are probably sulking about in your flat right now but I just wanted to say merry Christmas and tell you something you might like to hear.
Miles is in town.
Don't say I didn't give you anything this year.
I couldn't believe my eyes. Miles was in London. I excepted him to be with his mum or be out at a party with his band. Maybe that's what he came to London for but god help him he was going to see him.
Quickly he raced out of the bed to take a shower and comb through his newly grown out hair. He found himself sometimes missing the buzzed look but he was happy to have the locks back. Picking out an outfit wasn't hard, he subconsciously choose the one he knew Miles loved to see him in.
Sitting on the bed I stared down at the name my figure hovers over. Closing my eyes a hit the call button and bring the phone to my ear. I find myself holding my breath. The phone rings and suddenly the voice like honey is on the other line.
" 'ello?" I'm with out a doubt nervous. My hand shakes as a clutch the bed sheets for support.
"Hiya Miles! Merry Christmas! I heard your in town today" I quickly spat out.
"Indeed I am, I was hoping to hear from you" I felt a twinge in my heart and suddenly a wave of convince struck me.
"I was wondering-would you like to have lunch with me?" I hoped I didn't sound desperate, but I was. There was a pause and then
"I'd love that. How about the usual at 12:30? Sound good?" How does he sound so composed and at ease. Maybe because he knows what I know. That I'm the asshole that hasn't reached out in months or tired to make any contact at all. He was at ease because he wasn't afraid he would say the wrong thing, I was.
"Please-I mean. Sounds great. See you then" and then the line was dead after a quick 'yeah see you then!' I looked at the time. It read
11:40 am. With a pull of muscles and a grunt I say up and made my way to the foyer. Coat and shoes on and I was ready. I took several deep breaths before stepping out the door, not noticing the glowing Christmas tree or the decorations that littered the house.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••
There I sat a glass of water in my hand and my other tapped away at the table. My stomach was in my throat and my heart sounded as if it was in my ears. I tried not to think of the fact I was meeting someone. Meeting him. Instead I focused on the sound of the room. The sound of silverware on plates and of busy conversations. It wasn't the best idea I had that day. Soon my mind was overloaded and I found myself slipping from reality, falling into an inward spiral. My thoughts were brought to the present moment as I felt a hand on my shoulder and my eyes fell upon those a hazel eyes and smirking mouth. Absentmindedly I liked my lips and focused on the figure before me.
"Miles-" was all I could muster. He chuckled and sat down across from me.
"How are you babe? It's been awhile. But I have to say, the hair looks much better" I ran my hand through it as he said the words, letting the strands run between my fingers.
"Thanks, I like yours too. The blonde is lovely"
Miles eyes wrinkled as he smiled broadly. Alex felt himself falling deeper for the man in the seat across from him. "So what brings you to London? Doesn't your mom want you home for Christmas?" Miles looked down at the table but his smile didn't fade.
"I could ask you the same" I didn't have the heart to tell why. That I'd rather sit and sulk in my house then go galavanting with my girlfriend and he loud friends. That all I wanted was for him to be home with me.
"I'm guessing our reasons might be similar" I searched his eyes. He looked nervous behind his calm mask.
"Would you maybe - want to join me at my flat instead? Little more private and less expensive" Miles gave him a nod and they were off.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I hastily opened the looked door, kicked my shoes off, and was inside. Miles followed soon after, doing the same.
"Would you like something to drink then?" I asked standing at the small bar with two glasses in hand.
"Ah, maybe not something so strong. Water is fine" I nodded and came over to Miles at his spot on the couch with a cup of water and my own cup of whiskey. Gingerly I sat next to him. We sat in slinger for what seemed like an eternity. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I was bubbling and flooding inside.
"Miles-I fucked up. I'm so sorry, I don't know why I keep doing this, Cutting you off and shipping out when all I honestly want is to have you here with me" Miles sat perplexed next to me.
"Aly, you know I'll always forgive you. You are very hard to not fall back to. But how do I know you mean if this time? How do I know it's not the same old shot you tell me?" My heart hurt and I ran my fingers up his arm and then intertwined our fingers together.
"Look around, I'm on my own at Christmas Eve. It's not that I have no one to spend it with. It's that the one person I wanted to spend it with most thought that I hated him. But that's not true. I don't hate you. I hope you know that Mi. I-I love you. I love you so much. Would you-would you spend Christmas with me?" Miles was crying and so was I. Through my tears I saw him nod. I kissed him on his cheek. Even though we looked so different from when we first met his skin still felt just had soft under my lips " and next year," another kiss on the other cheek ",and the next," a kiss in the lips "and another." Miles didn't protest in The sudden mood shift. He welcomed the kisses I left on his neck and my fingers tugging at his short hair. His mouth now felt foreign with the braces but I knew it was still just Miles. My Miles. I had him back again and I was f going to let him go.
To my dear friend S-D-M-S
