Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart

Chapter 10

Feliciano ran down the dirt track, onto the road and into the field. Lightning streaked the dark sky and thunder crashed loudly, almost deafening as it echoed between the mountains. In only seconds Feliciano was soaked through by the pouring rain, but he barely noticed. All he could feel was an aching throb in his chest, a hopeless despair that threatened to crush him, the brief warmth on his cheeks before his tears turned cold with the freezing wind. But he did not stop. He couldn't. He couldn't see how anything could ever be all right again and he just wanted to run, to run far away. To run somewhere there was no Germany and no England and no Italy, where there was no one to hate and no one to fight. Somewhere sides did not exist and he could lie in green fields with Ludwig, picking flowers and laughing and playing soccer and sitting hand in hand against an oak tree beneath a golden sun. One of their places where they could be somewhere else. But this was the world, and this was war, and Ludwig was gone. He was gone, and Feliciano would never have that somewhere else, and he wanted to fall down and scream from the pain of it.

Feliciano ran past the familiar burnt out tank and realised with a jolt that he had been running to the oak tree this entire time. He headed towards it, unable to turn away, unable to think of anywhere else in the entire world that he needed to be right now. He wanted that place, wanted the memories and the joy and the pain and everything, all of it, because it was all he had left. But as he drew closer to the tree he noticed, through the rain and his tears, with a clenching pull to his chest, that someone was standing beneath it. He did not dare to think. He did not dare to hope. Feliciano could not see properly through the dark and the rain but as he slowed down to a hesitant walk his body thrummed with a burning, pounding, inevitable beat. And then he stopped. The thunder could have come crashing down around him and he would not have noticed. Because nothing else existed. Because Ludwig was standing there, as though nothing had ever happened, as though this was any other beautiful afternoon spent forgetting the world and meeting under their oak tree. When everything finally came back, when Feliciano could feel his flashing heartbeat lurch in his chest, he ran. So did Ludwig. And they did not stop until they reached each other.

"I'm sorr..." but Feliciano did not finish the sentence because Ludwig grasped his waist, pulled him close, and with a shuddering gasp he desperately pressed his lips to Feliciano's.

And then it didn't matter. Sides, and countries, and loyalties, and all of those unimportant things. What anyone else had said; what anyone else thought. None of it mattered. Everything was all right now. Feliciano's heart soared with joy, every aching pang of grief and sorrow washed away by this moment. Because Ludwig was with him, was kissing him, was holding him like he was all that existed in the entire world.

Feliciano didn't know how long they stayed like that, lips sliding on rain soaked skin, hands clutching each other like if they let go they would fall. And he didn't know how to breathe or to move or to think and he didn't know if he was crying or laughing or both. Finally their lips parted and Ludwig gasped, ran a shaking hand over Feliciano's cheek. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Feliciano..."

"You were never a mission!" Feliciano cried immediately, desperate to make Ludwig hear him this time. "I was never working against you, the resistance had nothing to do..."

Ludwig shook his head, almost laughing. "Oh God, Feliciano, I know that! I was stunned, and I was stupid, how could I ever think that..."

"It doesn't matter," Feliciano gasped, whispered, laughed, shouted joyfully. He couldn't even tell.

"I didn't mean those things." Ludwig touched both his hands to Feliciano's cheeks. His eyes were as dark as the sky, his cheeks wet with the rain. "Please forgive me for saying them. I would never hurt you, or your family. I would never let anyone hurt you."