To survive (A TWD Carl Grimes fanfic)

chapter 11- comfort

i brush past maggie. emotionless. i had just shot my mom. my mom. she was gone, just like that. no warning no mourning. it was all so surreal, it wasnt real it cant be. but it is. but i couldnt break down. my little broyther or sister was here and i needed to be strong for them. for my mom, for my dad, for everyone, but mostly for me. i couldnt cry, i cant put down my walls, i cant just mourn and let myself take it like a human. no i cant i could die. i cant be weak. my moms words carried through me, i cant loose her, not zoey. she was my reason for living it didnt matter what daryl had to say about the matter, i would find a way. we walked out side. not everyone was there. no carol, no t-dog. dad started stuttering, he was probably was aware of what happened considering our appearence.

"awwww no! awwwnooo! aww nooooo!" he screeched. he hugged me. i stood there, emotionless. then i saw zoey, she half smiled. something was wrong, she was holding a cloth on her forearm. i ran over. i lifted the rag to see scratches. four scratches to be exact, like the ones from a person. or not a person at all. no i was to late, i let her get infected. she was gonna turn into one of those things. my walls just came crashing down. i sobbed.

"no! no! i let this happen. your almost all i had left!" she lifted my chin with her finger. she looked confused. she looked at her arm then me, then her arm then me, then her arm then me.

"oh no, just a scrape. im not leaving that easy.' she giggled i hugged her so tight. we went inside. we went to my cell. i sat down, she sat next to me. she looked deep into my eyes.

"put down those walls, its just me." she said i was suprised.

"how did you know they were up?"

"your my best friend, and my boy- umm thing. i can just tell" she looked at me. i took a breth, and i let those walls down. i sobbed in her lap. she stroked my back. i felt safe. i kissed her. it was late.

"i think we should get to bed, its late." i said.

"oh okay. ill see yyou tomorrow." she went to leave. so i got up. i grabbed her wrist. she turned.

"carl, what about daryl? we arnt suppo-" i turned her so she was against. the wall. and i kissed her. i spoke into the kiss.

"i dont give a fuck about daryl." we went over to the bunk, i laid down. pulling her with me. when we laid down i pulled her impossably closer. i slid my hand down her arm and interlaced our hands. i almost forgot just for a second.

the next day i woke up to the day light streaming in the cell blaring in my eyes. i sat up and stretched. i went to go hug zoey but she wasnt there. just one day, just one freaking day. i nwant her here, to love me and hold me. this is what i get for letting those walls down. i was walking out of my cell when i noticed something. in big bold letters, keep walking dont slow down, my next note is where we hang out. that girl, what am i gonna do with her. my only geuss was the gaurd tower. so i got up and ran there. i opened the door and climed up, to find... nope not her just another note. HEY SWEET THANG YOU MADE GOOD TIME. BUT WHERE TO HEAD TO NEXT YOULL NEED YOUR MIND, OUR FIRST KISS IS WHERE YOULL FIND IT.

so i ran down to the fence. there another note. WOW YOU GOT IT IMPRESSIVE I THOUGHT ONLY GIRLS WOULD KNOW THAT I GEUSS I WAS WRONG, HOLY FUCK WAFFLES AND POPCORN WHERE WOULD I FIND THIS, OUR FIRST DATE IS A THOUGHT. so i ran to the basket ball court to find one figure dribbleing a basket ball. the figure stopped its dribbling and the ball was put on its hip. the figure stepped into the light. it was her, the girl i fell for those weeks ago. she was about 5'2, longish legs and tan skin. she had brown hair with beach waves, only a few freckles were strung along her nose. she was wearing my all time favorite outfit, of hers of course. it was a black crop top with those girly flowers. there umm... ummmm... daisies. with short short short jean shorts. with black converse.

"hey blue eyes, i cant believe you made it." she smiled. i went up to her,

"what do you mean, 'you cant believe you made it.' you think im dumb" i asked smiling. i walked over to her. i lightly slid my hands around her hips.

"no, but your a boy. most boys dont remember that kind of stuff." with every word her lips brusheed on mine.

"well i may be a boy, but im a boy that loves you." i kissesd her smiling. she was a keeper. then i kissed her again then again. she grabbed my hand. and pulled me to the table, picking up the ball.

"you play?"

"wanted to but everyone made fun of my height."

"oh baby, maybe you just sucked" she said grinning. that was it was beating her. she dribbled and i ran after her. blocking her shot, i took the ball dribbling it. i made a shot, then she caught it. she was dribbling. so i went up behind her and wrapped my arms around her. making the top half of her arms immobile. she laughed and the ball dropped. she was still laughing. i lifted her up and spun her around, that laugh it was definitly contagous. when i put her down. her hair was everywhere, so i brushed it away. she was still giggling. i kissed her, my hands on her hips. and we kissed, and kissed. we backed into a wall, i slammed both my hands on either side of her head. our forheads leaned against eachother, breaking the kiss.

"Carl, i love you. but your hurting i dont think you need this right now." she clasped her hands and walked away. she turned the corner. i slammed my fist on the wall, my thoughts racing. did she pitty me, did she not want this, did she think i was just doing this because of mom, or did she just not think of me that way. whatever. i was just upset. i was thinking of my mom. so i went to my cell, and under the bed it was hidden i think no one knew it was there but me. a bottle of whiskey and a six pack of beer. i pulled it out, i was on watch that night. except that night i wasnt watching i was gonna get shit faced drunk.