Instrument of Peace

1

FORT BENNING, GEORGIA. SEPTEMBER 2021

Nothing about Fort Benning had really changed since I had been here last. The weather was different, however. When I left Georgia two years ago for another long deployment to Afghanistan it was winter, and although there wasn't any snow on the ground it was cold. Afghanistan itself was like living in the seventh level of hell. Now that I was back in Georgia at the tail end of summer, it was freezing. If I wouldn't get weird looks I'd probably put on my cold weather gear and curl up in the corner of my office. Although at this point I just wanted to curl up in the corner for a whole host of reasons. We were some of the last Americans out of Afghanistan at the end of August. I'm not sure how to feel now that the Taliban has returned to power. I wish there was more that I could do. I thought back to the last couple nights I spent in the barracks – It was almost 120 degrees during the day and not that much colder at night. About the only thing that changed here were some fresh faces out of AIT that replaced a couple of those we lost.

I remember reading about the war when I was younger... mostly the war in Iraq that my brother fought in. I didn't understand war then as a seven-year-old and I barely understood it now that I was home. War has been a constant companion to our history. It has shaped nations and individuals in profound ways. As soldiers, my brothers and sisters and I bear the burden of conflict on the frontlines and experience a gamut of emotions that go beyond patriotism and heroism. My brother Isaac once described to me what it was like after 9/11- the call of duty to protect and defend our country was an undeniable obligation. It propelled him into battle as an infantry Marine without the understanding of the dangers and horrors that awaited him and his newfound brothers. The initial adrenaline rush and camaraderie imbued them with a certain sense of invincibility. I saw that and felt that in myself and my own fellow soldiers.

We had an overwhelming devotion to each other and our countrymen- it united us and created a powerful bond that felt empowering and comforting. Once we finally engaged the enemy, once I saw my first comrade die because there was nothing more I could do to save them- I felt much more responsibility. It came with a heavy burden... a great emotional toll. I witnessed suffering, death, and destruction firsthand and it left deep scars on my heart and on my soul. The loss of my friends left me grappling with survivors' guilt- Why did I survive when they did not? I lost some of my best friends – two of them I had been serving beside since basic training. I remember their faces so vividly and carry a polaroid picture of us after we graduated AIT in my breast pocket at all times. The bonds we formed through our training and on the battlefield created a profound connection but now that they were gone... They were a constant reminder of the sacrifices made. I will never forget them.

I stopped for a second before I entered the building I worked inside and took a deep breath. Shaking the thoughts from my head, I stepped inside the foyer and took my cover off before checking in and heading to my office. I arrived for duty and found my fellow medic, Andrew Keegan, already at his desk. Upon entering and taking my seat he got up from his desk and set an iced coffee and a breakfast sandwich down for me.

"Good morning, sunshine!" he smiled. "How does it feel now that you're a Staff Sergeant?"

"Shut the fuck up, Keegan." I laughed, taking a bite out of the sandwich. "No different than I felt as a Sergeant. I just have more responsibilities now."

"Still... I'm proud of you." He nodded, sitting back down in his desk chair.

"Thanks." I nodded, turning my attention to the stack of paperwork on my desk and the folders that had been untouched from yesterday.

We'd had to make sure we got it done by 1400. Our superiors wanted us to, anyway. Barely back a week and they already wanted to send one of us out again. We had a briefing the next morning at 0730. That's what you get in the military, though. You go where they tell you to. I haven't seen my mother or two younger brothers in years and I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss them. Elijah and Gabriel are twins and look just like mama- something that I'm infinitely glad about. Father treated us all horribly, me and Isaac mostly because we always stood up for our younger brothers. They didn't need to go through any of that. We were older and stronger- their protectors. I shook my head to clear it once again – Stop thinking and get to work, Meg. Paperwork isn't going to do itself.