breaking free - jalph (lotf) ੈ♡

Chapter 5

GUYS I became a mod in our LOTF discord server! Party tiiime. You should join it : https://discord.gg/t3mpDVm

ALSO remember that German song Jack sang a few chapters ago? Here's my choir performing it at our last concert :) : youtube.com/watch?v=0WSvTYo6FTE

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A few days later

"Stop ignoring me!" 

Ralph continued ignoring him.

Jack looked up towards the ceiling and groaned, "Ralph, I swear. It's been like, four days! If you don't finally answer me I'll-"

"You'll what?" Ralph forcefully stood up and growled, anger evident in his voice, "Beat me? Murder me and spear my head on a stick?" Jack stared in incredulous silence. He thought they had been becoming friends, he thought that they were past that.

"Ralph..."

"No," Jack turned away, and Ralph did as well to look outside the window. The yard was green, patches of flowers appearing every so often, and boys frolicked and studied under the warm sun. He ached to join them, but he was scared. Scared of rejection, scared of what they might say. Maybe if he went and sat alone, though... that wouldn't be so bad.

Ralph packed up his bag and started towards the door, pausing once he sensed Jack looking at him. "I'm going out," he said softly, quietly, unsure that his words had been heard. He didn't hate Jack. No matter how much he wanted to. There was a part of Ralph, a part he didn't understand, that craved the other boy and his gaze. His attention. He knew it was wrong, especially with the situations they had gone through together. But why did it feel so good?

Once Ralph arrived outside, he sat on the grass next to some flowers and began picking some.  The stems gave themselves up easily for him, bending as he willed them to. His childhood friend, Mary, had taught him how to make flower chains when they were younger. It had been a while, but soon he began falling into the easy rhythm. Pick, thread, pull. Over and over, calming the roaring waves of unexplained emotions filling his chest. 

Ralph's breathing soon slowed, his semi tan skin almost glowing in the mid-afternoon light, and in no time at all he had a chain of small daisies almost a foot long. He draped it over his neck, almost like a stole, and examined the world around him. The bright green leaves on the trees swayed softly in the breeze that ruffled Ralph's hair, running over the grass and causing each tiny blade to dance. The sunlight was golden, its warmth pleasant instead of suffocating, and the sky shone a brilliant blue. Clouds made their way lazily across the sky, and the pure loveliness of it all caused his heart to swell.

But.. how could things still remain this gorgeous after the tragedy Ralph had suffered? How could any beauty, any hope be left? He still felt the fire, nearly burning him. He could remember the dirt caking him like a second skin. The ghost of a burning pain still remained in his chest, in his legs and arms and his soul. All these marks that would never be forgotten. How could nature simply move on? When he couldn't?

Ralph laughed darkly as his heart pounded faster, faster and faster. Like always, another peaceful moment ruined. The tears welled up in his eyes, but he wiped them away as quickly as they had appeared. There was something so deeply hilarious about this situation. Maybe it was the way the other students played around him, unknowing of the deep sorrow that filled Ralph's chest. Maybe it was the way he dwelled on the past, unable to forget what he had gone through. Sometimes he worried he was faking it; trying to somehow earn extra sympathy points from himself, trying to cause the pain he now craved so much. The emotional pain that he wanted to go through again and again, although once it arrived he hated it.

The clouds passed over the sun, and Ralph raised his eyes to the heavens as he fell backwards into the grass. A flower chain, torn in half, lied around his head. The crown of a broken king.

Hi! This chapter is a bit more personal, but it was kind of freeing to write it and finally get my feelings out. Ralph and i have some similarities, and I'd love to be able to flesh out his character a lil more by reflecting our semi-related experiences and possible feelings!

Hope you enjoyed this shorter chapter, have a wonderful holiday season :)