breaking free - jalph (lotf) ੈ♡

Chapter 6

The skies darkened, then lightened, over and over again. Days passing by, blending into each other until Ralph couldn't tell where one ended and the other began. Jack had began to leave him alone, as well. At first he had attempted to start a conversation now and then. But with Ralph's short, clipped replies, he eventually gave up. It tore Ralph apart. He needed Jack. As sick and twisted as their past was, he had learned to rely on the boy. Maybe it was because of their shared history that Ralph felt such a connection. Jack was the only one who could have possibly understood.

Weeks passed. The familiar paranoia began creeping in, the urges to spiral intense once again. He felt himself slipping; from reality, from safety, from himself. Why couldn't he just get better? Others had faced far worse, others had died. His problems were hardly anything at all. As he looked into the mirror every day, he saw a pathetic creature staring back. A creature who didn't try. Who would never be enough. He saw the truth inside of himself and it terrified him.

Then, some Friday towards the end of October, a letter was shoved under his door. It was crumpled around the edges, and whoever delivered it had disappeared by the time Ralph reached the door.

A letter..?  Ralph bent over and grabbed the blue paper, smoothing it out against his leg and scanning the words, muttering them out loud as he read.

You're invited to our Halloween party next Saturday, the 31st. Bring friends, bring snacks, (bring booze?)! There'll be a costume contest and dinner, so be prepared! Head over behind the C building at 8pm. See you there!

Ralph  rubbed his forehead with his free hand. On one hand, he could stay in his room or go on another walk by himself, but then again, it was going to be Halloween. They had always celebrated at home, and maybe it was time to force himself to go out instead of doing nothing all day and feeling lonely like a little bitch boy. 

He pulled out his phone and marked the date in the calendar app with a sigh before tossing the paper onto his desk. Had he made a mistake?

Saturday, the 31st

Ralph had definitely made a mistake.

He stood on the outskirts of the crowd of teenage boys, back facing the wild part of the school, their shouts and laughs reminding him of what he was missing out on by not talking. Why was it so hard to talk? He had been so social before, he had been the popular one in every one of his old schools. He had beaten the anxiety that had troubled him when he was younger but it had come back again and hit him when he let his guard down. He supposed it was his fault for doing that. His fault for getting into that.. bad situation in the first place. If he was as smart as he had always been told, he would've known not to get on that plane, he would've done something different and stopped those deaths from happening. He could've prevented it all but he didn't.

Kicking at the dirt, Ralph took a deep breath of the fresh night air and-

Wait.

Is that..?

Ralph's felt like his throat was closing up as he raised his head and saw some boys roasting meat over a firepit. He didn't notice that before, he had no idea, oh my god oh my god oh my god.

Tears fell from Ralph's eyes as he stumbled backwards, gagging on the smoke he hadn't noticed before. It was surrounding him, it was filling him up it was becoming one with him makeitgoawaymakeitgoaway

"All right. Light the fire."

"I cut the pig's throat—"

"I got you meat!"

Ralph choked out a sob as his mind went on autopilot and he spun around and ran away from the boys. Heart pounding, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't feel, he felt dizzy. Dizzy. He barely felt the ground underneath him as he reached the lake and fell onto his knees, bent forwards into himself and cried. Although it seemed like ages, only a few seconds later a slender hand touched Ralph's shoulder. He leaned into the touch.

"Hey.. you okay?" the familiar voice spoke.

Ohmygodnohesgonnakillmeohgodohgod-

Ralph crawled forward and dry heaved, ears ringing and heart pounding like there was no tomorrow. 

"I'm not here to hurt you." his voice commanded Ralph to look at him, hard yet somehow empathetic at the same time. Shuddering, the blond boy turned around.

Jack stood above him, looking down, the bright moon casting light onto his pale form and outstretched hand. Ralph spoke through the tears that covered his blotchy, tear stained face, voice shaking almost as much as his body was.

"What the fuck do you want with me?"

Jack winced as he sat down in front of Ralph, but ignored the harsh words and leaned in. "Ralph? Can you tell me about five things you see around us?" Ralph glared at him, but Jack noticed how he was still silently crying, how his chest was rising and falling far too quickly. How he was clawing at his arms. Speaking of..

Ralph startled as his hands were grabbed by Jack's, his long fingers enveloping the small hands of the panicked boy. "Come on, Ralph, just do it." Ralph shook his head but named off the five things, avoiding the redhead's gaze. "Moon, clouds, grass, school, trees." Jack nodded in encouragement. "Now, 4 things you can feel?"

They walked through the different senses together, and by the end of it Ralph seemed to had lost a lot of the tenseness that had been present before. Jack let go of his hands, no longer worrying about him accidentally hurting himself, and stood up. "I guess I'll go now, since you hate me and all."

He turned around and took a step before Ralph spoke a single word. Almost paralleling that first night on the ship.

"Wait."

Jack looked up and smiled before turning around and sitting back on the grass next to the other boy, wrapping his arm around Ralph's shoulder as they looked over the water together. Lulled into a sense of safety by the comfort of another and by the radiant stars above, neither of them questioned what their closeness could've meant. 

But a hulking figure standing nearby did.

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx (the thing Ralph and Jack did, I'm sure you might've heard of it before).

Sorry for not updating in forever! I'm really bad at keeping up with things, but I promise I will try for all of you. Thank you for keeping up with my inconsistent updates, I'll try and get the next chapter done soon! Make sure to keep safe, wishing you and your families the best during this tough time <3