Gemini trials

I fucked up bad

Wow where do I start? Well ok I lost my virginity to my now boy best friend( that doesn't make shit difficult at all). I met this boy I thought he was the one frfr turns out he wanted to fuck my whoop de whoop he got that shit so now I'm and emotional wreck cus I feel used but he told me it was never that but you know the usual stuff with boys I honestly been feeling like shit these past couple of months. I've cried so much I spoke my hurt to so many people yet nobody wants to understand where  coming from. Welp you know people are no help no ways. Um i pierced my own nose. Oh and the boy his name N he still calls me to have sex and stuff even tho he had a girlfriend that he has spoiled and post on snapchat. I told him I had a new boy I was talking to when he came over a while back and he told me to get rid of him he wanted to be the only boy I talk to. Delusional  as fuck. But you know I like them kinda crazy and he's right there. um what else oh yea I started smoking more yea weed tho no nicotine the hell is wrong with you lol. I'm crazy but not that crazy sweetie. Oh yeaaaaa I stole a car. Minor shot compared to what over been pulled over for before. Oh yea I've been sneaking out the house to be with N. Um my momma doesn't know but while I was at my friend "Niarea house"( she is N sister) me and him and his brother were cruising the city. And while I was spending the night with "Niarea" me and him were in the neighborhood smoking with his folks. He called me his bae y'all he was thinking about a futile told me he seen me in his future HOW THE FUCK do you just decide to not want that anymore. I don't know but I'm not dwelling no more yea I text him tonight I wanna make it right and be the bigger person before 2020 because that's the year I'm on my bitch mood Nd I'm going full cold hearted I did so much for that lil shit and I don't get a thank you ( I mean he did thank me but UGHHGH) y'all I really fell for him but I hate it he was supposed to fall for me so I can know it was real but it wasn't I told him don't hurt me but he did now I'm broken like fuck and can't be fixed. But it's ok come 2020 Ionn wanna hear shit but money. If I can't touch the mono that's the only thing that's gon make me upset I'm not letting no nigga and his problems get un my way (oh and he has this thing of blocking me for two weeks he did it one time and got this girl preamps and she keep throwing shots at me on snapchat so I asked her did she wanna fight cus I don't do all that internet shit it get everyone in yo business. But y'all it's currently 2:27 am in the morning and I'm doing this my life is a mess but day by day I get better money and gas is my nigga. OHHHH YEAAAAA my momma has been kicking me out the house because she getting fed up with me. I was suppose to get put on bc ( birth control) months ago. Anyways hope y'all enjoyed me venting oh yea I've been wanting to kill myself my nephew bray is the only thing who keeps me going Ionn want him group without even getting a chance to meet his auntie. I know my family thinks I'm asshole but honestly I'm just a baby with a broken heart. I wanna get back to the old me but she cared to much and got hurt. I gotta build that wall up and can't let nobody in. Oh yea I've starved my self I lost weight I think I'm do it again. But healthy. Fasting but smarter ok my hand hurts peace and BLESSINGS SLATTTTTT MY NIGGAS. Oh yea pictures of me df cus I became a bad bitch since last time we've seen each other. UMMMM SO CHANGE OF PLANS CUS ICLOUD WANNA BE FUCKING FUNNY JUST CHECK OUT My Instagram @lilbr0wnskin you aren't gonna regret but yea frfr this time if I missed anything I'll be back love y'all and thanks for staying with me on this crazy ass ride muah.