Behind The Mask

Chapter 16 : Panic attack.

I stomp my feet to the field where he already is. He takes his shirt off and gives me a smug smile as he throws it to the ground. I respond by rolling my eyes and dumping my bag next to me.

"You know your body isn't really THAT hot. It's actually quiet repulsive." I tie my hair up in a pony tail and get to work. I really don't wanna be here right now.

"Shortie. You're lying to yourself and to me. You know you're so very attracted to me. And I have proof on tape." I get up after grabbing a ball and find that he moved closer to me. I'm kindda taken aback by his shirtless glory but I'm pretty sure I don't show it.

"You have nothing but a tape of you forcing yourself on me like always. Did I ever corner you or force myself on you before? Nope? Thought so." I turn around to leave but of course someone isn't satisfied with my answer. He wraps his wrist around my upper arm lightly and pulls me backwards that my back becomes flushed against his hard body. Then I feel his breath next to my ear. And fuck if it doesn't send shivers down my spine.

"You know you're attracted to me Shortie. But for the life of me I can't figure out why you like torturing yourself. You know I really don't mind having you over; I'll make it the best night of your life." He whispers.

I yank my arm away from his and turn around sharply. I'm pretty sure I look like a mad bull because he looks kindda apprehensive.

"Listen you mindless manwhore! If you dont fucking learn how to respect women and talk to them accordingly I will make you and it won't be pretty; because apparently your Fucking mom haven't taught you how to talk to a woman. What even are women to you? A hole where you just dump your junk? You asshole! I dont want you ,never wanted you, and NEVER WILL! Get that inside that thick skull of yours. You repulse me! YOU TURN ME OFF! Understood?? CLEAR?"

He takes a step back his eyes blazing with anger and his jaw set tight. I could safely say he really, badly wants to punch me. Good.

"Big mistake Brown." He cracks his neck. "Very very big mistake. I'll make sure you regret it; you keep that in mind." He gives me a challenging look then turns around.

"No one talks to Hunter Haley like that for a reason. I hope you're ready." He says with a tinge of determination in his tone.

But why the hell am I excited ?

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We finish collecting balls in silence. I put my headphones in and ignore him. But the sun is just scorching me and I hate heat. So I decide he already saw the scar on my abdomen so I don't really have anything to lose. I take my shirt off or more like peel it off my body since I'm sweating so much. I take a peek at hunter and he gives me a nonchalant look then turns back to working. I inhale and continue working with one thing on my mind. What the hell is he up to.

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I ride starr home still thinking about what he's going to do. I'm not scared at all ;I'm just.... curious. I am a very curious person and it sucks because I keep overthinking and imagining every possible scenario and literally fucks with my head.

When I get home, I kiss Judy and run straight to the comfort of my room. I love how dim the lighting is that it never fails to comfort me when I'm mad or upset. I take off my clothes so I can take a bath and relax for a while when my phone rings. I check the caller id and it's a private number. My heart skips a beat and I start sweating.

"Yes?" I try to sound confident.

"Any information?"

"Not yet." I swallow.

"What do you mean not yet?"

"You didn't give me enough reference, be patient so I can try to figure things out."

"We didn't send you there to have fun, Stone. If you fail at the job the deal is off." Fuck no.

"I didn't say I will fail. I said I will fucking do it just give me some time to gather the information that I need."

"You have a week to send us at least one piece of information. If not the deal's off." FUCK.

"O-ok." I exhale. He hangs up.

Breathe in. Breathe out. I can't have a panic attack now. I sit on the floor and breathe. Fuck what am I going to do. Inhale. I can't back out now; I've been working for this all my life. Exhale. I cant fail; I cant fail her. Not again. Inhale. I can't lose her again. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. InhaleExhaleInhaleExhale.

"EMMA!" I hear a distant voice. I cant hear well though I can only focus on the shallow breaths I'm taking.
inOutInOutInOutInOutInOutInOutInOutInOutIn

I can taste something sour. My breathing returns to normal. I open my eyes and take a deep breathe.

"You're okay cariña." Judy hugs me and we just sit there on the ground. I don't know what would have happened to me if it wasn't for you. I say in my head. I love you.

Wow a word I never said out loud. I can't believe I've never told her I love her. Am I even capable of love? How can someone's heart love after being so abused? My heart is worn out and probably what I'm feeling towards Judy is gratitude not love. What is Love anyways? It's an illusion created by people to make them feel better about life and make them look forward to having something so magical in their lives just like in the movies. But that's just it it's a fairytale , a myth; created by writers and songwriters just to embed the idea of it in our heads. What people feel towards each other is just attraction coupled with trust and having things in common. That's why no relationship can survive without sex. It's because that's the base of the relationship. First you either get attracted to a person physically or mentally and then you attach yourself to them thinking you're "in Love" when in reality you're just attracted or intrigued by them. People only do what's in their best interest; that's why Carson cheated and that's why dad cheated. I thought love was real one day as any person would. But when I took off the blindfold I had on for years, I saw the reality. People are selfish. If you make them feel good about themselves then they "Love" you and keep you in their lives. If you tell them the ugly truth and it doesn't please them they leave you. People might say I'm sadistic because I think that way. But I just had it harder than most people because I was betrayed by the people who should have loved me more than anyone ever. And that was when I knew Love is not real. People aren't pure and from the definitions of Love everywhere; it's a pure feeling. So sue me if I think it's just a scam.