Apparently certain tests had to be preformed that could only be done at the hospital, though they wouldn't tell us what kind or what it was all about. I didn't really care anyway, I just wanted to get this whole thing over with as quickly as possible so that I could go home and enjoy the rest of my weekend visit.
We drove a half hour to the hospital, luckily beating traffic. Dr. Pierce had called ahead, arranging us an appointment with someone who was to form these tests. An MRI, cat-scan and various blood tests had to be done. I cringed at the thought of needles, but I had no other option. I was only going through with this whole charade to ease my mother's nerves. If it was up to me, I'd probably just rest some and make sure to take a lot of Vitamin C. That seemed to cure everything.
I was not a fan of the MRI machine.
Hearing a loud noise all around you as you're trapped inside some sort of cylinder box? No thank you. I was grateful when they finally slid me out, the nurses grinning ear to ear as they said, "You're free to go, now,"
But I wasn't free to actually leave the hospital, no. What they meant was I was free to go to the next room where I would then be poked by many different needles. I lost count after five, pretending I wasn't there and that I wasn't currently being stabbed.
The drive home from the hospital was silent, except for the sound of my mother's fake nails anxiously tapping against the steering wheel. The nurses at the hospital had told us that they wouldn't be able to have my results back for another week, which meant my dad had to drive all the way back here next weekend too. It was only a 3 hour drive from my dad's place, so I guess it wasn't too bad.
But I was still highly annoyed. I mean, they had me get all of these tests, but I didn't even know the reason I had to was. Nobody was saying anything, which was highly odd in my opinion. They were all acting like I was perfectly fine. Though if I was, why did I have to go through all of this?
The thought had sat at the back of my mind all week as I endured through my college courses. I called home every night, wondering if the doctor's had by chance phoned my mom with any news.
Yet, I still had no idea what sort of results we were hoping for.
Which is why, as I'm sat here beside my mother, after a week of waiting, I'm stunned by what the doctor had announced.
I mean, I only heard of it in movies and books I read. I wasn't even totally clear on what it was, despite the ten minutes Dr. Pierce had just spent explaining it to us. Something about too many white blood cells or something, I tuned her out.
I silently glared at my mother as she stared at Dr. Pierce who was discussing more symptoms I'll soon be noticing. This was all my mum's fault. Why did she have to worry so much? If she wouldn't have freaked out and rushed me to the hospital last weekend, we wouldn't be here right now and I wouldn't have to listen to this old doctor ramble on about an illness I know hardly anything about.
Besides the fact that I have it.
Maybe they were wrong. Maybe they accidentally switched my forms with another patient's. I mean, I have always been clumsy. These bruises are just a side affect of clumsiness.
Yeah doctor, I don't have cancer. I'm just clumsy. Am I free to go?
I smirked at the thought.
"How are you taking this, Maya?" The doctor was the first one to actually speak to me about it. My mother was too frantic to even dare look at me, probably disappointed in herself. But it wasn't her fault I had it. To be honest though, I'm surprised she isn't crying yet. Unless, maybe she's just trying to act strong for me.
I shrugged in response to the short, round woman that was Dr. Pierce. Her white doctor's coat and stethoscope around her neck made her look like a stereotypical doctor off of the television.
"I have cancer."
I tried it out, seeing how it would feel coming out of my mouth. My mother visibly flinched away at my words and I fought the urge to roll my eyes. Surprisingly, saying it out loud didn't hurt nearly as bad as I thought it would. It was just a simple fact that I would now have to get used to.
-----
Dr. Pierce finally let us leave twenty minutes later after giving mom a thick stack of papers all about my new found illness. I sure hope she has fun reading all of those, because I sure won't.
It was strange walking down the corridors and passing children holding hands with their mothers, being led into various rooms. A few mothers smiled at me, if only they knew I had just been diagnosed. Would they still smile at me? Or would they give me the same look of pity that the lady at the front desk signing us out did?
My mom and I continued our silent walk out the building and to the car. Once both of our doors were firmly shut, my mother swung over the steering wheel.
Oh here it comes.
The dam finally broke. She tossed the stack of Leukemia Information papers to the back seat. Violent sobs wracked against her body as she cried out my name over and over, apologizing each time, as if she is the one who purposely caused this. I couldn't stand to watch her like this. I turned to look out the window, watching the atmosphere around us. Nothing had changed out here in the past hour.
The sky was still blue, cars were still going by, birds were still sitting along power lines. The world was continuing along peacefully.
My mother, however? Not so much. I mean, shouldn't I be the one crying uncontrollably? I'm pretty sure that's my job, here. How selfish of her to take that away from me.
I finally swung my head to look at her as I heard the crying slowly die down.
"Mom, it's okay. I'm fine." I didn't know whether I was encouraging her or myself. I told myself I was just doing it for her own sake.
She shook her head slowly, finally bringing up her blue eyes that matched my own. "Mai, it's going to all work out. Okay?" I sort of cringed at the nickname I had loved at the age of ten, but have now grown to hate, but that didn't keep me from snorting at her words. "Everything is okay."
You bawling hysterically really helps reassure me.
"Just don't worry." She continued. I nodded in response, faking a smile. A couple of seconds passed of us just staring at each other, and I thought 'Whew, okay. That wasn't so bad.'
