Gravity

Chapter 18 - July 2019

I sat at my desk, lost in thought, staring at Stacy Sinclair.

No, this isn't a flashback to my horny teenage years, this is present day.

I was stuck in the thought that this all started with her. She was the one who had first turned my head to this way of thinking and now I couldn't stop myself. Though I was slightly worried that I was only feeling these feelings towards Evie because the seed had been planted in my mind like some sort of brainwash, I'd recently been connecting a bunch of long lost dots together that made me wonder if I'd just been in denial over my feelings all along.

Stacy looked up and stared back at me. Just like all those years ago in geography class, her hair had fallen over her eye at one side, but unlike those days, I didn't look away in hiding. I continued to watch her. Like a creep.

"Is everything ok?" She finally asked, looking quite uncomfortable.

"I need to ask you something," I said after a while. Though I probably looked and sounded pretty cool and relaxed, I was literally sweating on the inside. Yes that's really a thing.

"What about? Work?"

"Not exactly," I said, rising from my chair and slowly making my way to sit on the side of her desk. "Do you remember your party?"

"Barely."

"You said something about Evelyn," I persevered, ignoring her obvious cringing at her lack of memories.

"Oh god. Was I a bitch? I know you two are friends and I really like her. If I said something daft about her then I definitely didn't mean it!" she panicked.

"Would you just let me finish? Please?" I laughed. Who would have thought I'd ever be the one telling Stacy to stop stammering at me.

"Sorry."

"You mentioned something about her . . . having feelings for me. Or me having feelings for her or something like that. I can't remember exactly what it was but you've got the idea in my head now and I guess I just want to know if you genuinely think that. Does that make sense?"

"I said that?" She scoffed, leaning back in her chair and looking to the ceiling as if the memory would drop down from it at any moment.

"Yeah. Well, I mean basically. I think you used something a little stronger than "have feelings for". If you know what I mean."

Stacy was silent for a while after that before a wicked smile appeared on her face. In all honesty, if I wasn't freaking out about Evie, that smile would definitely have turned me on a little.

"I don't mean to ruin your meltdown but does it really matter what I said about it? Surely you know if you more than have feelings for someone, right?" She teased.

"You've spent time with both of us! You've seen us together and I just want to know if this is all in my head or if . . ." I tailed off, not really sure I knew how to end the sentence.

"If you love her?" Stacy offered, clearly more willing than I was to dive straight in.

I didn't answer with words. Instead I'd contorted my face into an uneasy expression that perfectly conveyed the ridiculous struggle that was going on inside me.

And ridiculous was exactly what it was.

Imagine not knowing if you are in love someone or not. It sounds crazy but I still had to rationalise it. I knew that I did love her. That was a fact. But what was unclear was whether or not it was a soul-mate love or a best friend love. I think we can all agree that there's a pretty big difference! And even then, I needed to figure out if the difference was big enough to take a chance on.