my mind in words

12-20-19

i hate myself, my mom, dad, my family. i hate everyone and everything for letting me mess up everything. i don't want to be here i just want to be alone in a dark big world. i am trying to get my passwords and photos of social media and start trying that. it might make me less of who i am and more who i want to be. i have friends and am happy but i want to be alone and have no one. i might stop being friends with everyone but still make my mom believe i am fine. i miss my best friends so i might ask why they left me and why they stopped wanting a friendship with me. i may have found out i was and still kinda am in love with my ex best friend who broke my heart by being an jerk. i let both of they break me more than twice and just break my heart again and again leaving me to wonder why did i let them come into my life and waste so much time. i wanted to be broken i want someone who will come and mess me up, mess me and my life up. i want to wish i was alone and just had all the hate and pain in this messed up world. why and i not pretty enough or sweet enough. why does he not like me, why won't he come and leave as fast as he comes in. why am i so invested in him. he just is all i think about. why about running away maybe that will mess some more stuff up and maybe let's just have my parents get divorced. i want everyone to hate me and never talk to me again. what if i stop eating and just be prettier. that might fix something. my phone died and i love music. please hate me i already hate you. lets turn on my phone and text some people some messed up things and questions. first lets ask all the guys what they would do if i told them i liked them and ask my ex best friends why they don't want me anymore. i hate life and myself. i am going to sit in the bathroom at school now i swear. idk if she has me blocked but i don't care but what do i say to him....  changed my profile pic. said i hate you in my bio idk what else to do besides  wait for it to load. i might just post this when it gets to 500 words and do another one. oh she replied. well she just asked y i asked her, i told her idc and i am going to stop talking to people. i want to text him but what would say bc i like him and idk goodnight.....