𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 james x alex

If I could do anything you know I would

Alex googles “annulment services” and sits there, staring at the results. He can't quite bring himself to click one of them yet, as desperately as he wants to get out of this, because clicking them, actually taking this next step forward, will really cement home that it's real. That he married his best friend.

He thinks it's because, for as shocked and drained as he is from the last two days, this is going to hit him all over again in a new way and he's not sure he's prepared for yet another wave of fucking hellshit.

He's sat there, staring blankly at his computer screen it's too much. He lets his head roll back against the wall ears ringing in silence.

He tries to distract himself from the static of his head by actually looking at the first few links for “annulment services”, wondering if he should wait until Phil's available to ask him to come look with him so they can decide together.

This is all so fucking stupid, this is all so complicated and Alex hates himself for the mistake he's made.

Yeah. He'll wait until James is done. It wouldn't be right to just go ahead and decide on who they're going to visit to get the process started. Its James' decision because of Alex's mistake.

Somehow, even though James was probably just as drunk as He was, it doesn't feel like James' the one who made the mistake. Even though Alex was furious with him before, he now only feels anger towards himself.

James doesn't make big mistakes like this. He had to be plastered to go along with this without fighting. He had to be rat-arsed, utterly and wholly. Alex, however. Alex's full of mistakes. Look at his little idiotic decision to go to America which led to his kind of major mental breakdown. Sure, it led to meeting almost all the friends he has now and he doesn't regret it but maybe had he been smarter, he could have avoided the breakdown entirely.

There's nothing he can do, either, to get his brain off this. He opens up iTunes and puts on music, trying to distract himself, turning it up to full volume and stuffing his headphones on, hoping he can drown out his brain, but he can barely pay attention to the music.

He contemplates buying a FIFA pack just something just something to distract himself, ultimately he decides against it. Feels frivolous, spending money on something he doesn't need when he's now got to go about getting an annulment.

This stupid fucking marriage is affecting everything about him.

He's so busy lost in his thoughts that he doesn't notice about a half an hour passes and James comes in to his room. Alex's got his eyes shut, music still blasting, and he's trying to daydream, thinking about what it would be like to be a space explorer.

He jumps about a foot when James taps his knee and jerks upright from where he's lying, hitting the spacebar on his keyboard to pause the music and taking his headphones off.

“Hey,” James says, sounding awful and guilty. “So I just got off the phone with my mum. I told my mum what happened and she got really upset with me, loads more upset than I've ever heard her before, lecturing me about the importance of marriage and how much of an idiot I was.”

Alex supposes that's where James gets his thoughts on marriage from. He can only imagine how disappointed James' mum is, not just in James but in Alex, and that just makes him feel even more shit.

“And just … we kept rehashing the same information, she kept going on and on about how stupid I was and the mistake I made,” and Alex wants to interrupt James and tell him that James didn't make the mistake, it was all on him and maybe even more so on Will and Erling, he wants to soothe Phil somehow to get the anguish off Phil's face.