Love is the drug

Chapter 3: forbidden touches

Silence blanketed over us on the car ride back to the bus, and I tried to avoid eye contact with my band members. All I wanted to do was sleep, but there was still 1 interview left. No rest for the wicked I guess.

"So, Ryan," Patrick smiled turning to face me. "How are you enjoying interviews?"
"They're, ok." I lied, pressing my nose against the window to show Patrick I wasn't interested. He didn't get the hint.
"Oh I forgot to mention, you've all been invited to a party tonight." Pattykins chirped happily, oblivious to our groans of protest.
"Can I opt out of this one? I'm so tired." I said, yawning to prove that I was, in fact, tired as fuck.
"No, Ryan. I already told them the whole band is coming. It'll be fun guys!" His smile never wavered as we all shot remarks at him about how we never just get to chill, or do what we want to. You had to hand it to him, the man was strong willed.

The last interview dragged on for what felt like years, and by the time we arrived back at the venue where we were playing our second show I was ready to collapse. My eyes landed on the tour bus and I smiled with relief.
I pushed the bus door open and almost smashed into Gabe.
His eyebrows furrowed together as he backed up abruptly, mumbling apologies.
"It's fine." I sighed, eyeing my bunk over the corner of Gabe's shoulder.
"I'll um... Catch you later, I guess." He smiled awkwardly, edging out the door. A peaceful silence settled over the bus as I stripped off my sweaty shirt and pants. I was just about to shove a new t-shirt over my bare chest when the bus door burst open again, and Brendon stumbled in.

"Shit man, don't you knock?!" I yelped, trying to cover my half naked body.
"Ryan, fuck, uh.. Sorry I thought there was no one in here." He mumbled sheepishly, eyes wandering over my bare chest. I stared at him, partly annoyed and partly flattered.
"My face is up here." I said, still not looking away from him. His brown eyes flew up to mine, and his cheeks flushed pink.
"Yeah uh.. Yeah. Sorry it's just distracting.." He mumbled apologetically. Silence fell over us as I pulled on a pair of black pants.
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Brendon ran his tongue over his bottom lip and leaned against the closed bus door.
"So.." He began, but I wasn't listening, I was staring at his full, red lips. The urge to kiss him was surging through me.

"I'm not gay." I muttered to myself quietly.
"What? Are you even listening, Ryan?" Brendon sighed, waving a hand in front of my face.
"Yes, yes I was listening." I smiled, pushing the thought to the back of my mind.
"Then what did I say."
"Uh.." I faltered, pulling the t-shirt over my head.
It would be so easy to just kiss him right now. No one would know. And it's not gay right? I'm not gay... right? I thought desperately.

"I knew you weren't listening." He frowned.
Oh fuck it. I walked over to Brendon, so close our noses were almost touching.
"W-what are you doing." He stammered, and I could practically hear his heart beating faster.
"I'm going to kiss you. But not in a gay way. Because I am not gay." I whispered sternly, before attaching my lips to his. His whole body tensed, and for a second I thought he wasn't going to kiss me back.

And then he did.

I gasped, and he slipped his tongue in my mouth. I wrapped my arm around his back, pulling him closer to me so our bodies were pressed together as I ran my other hand through his tousled, dark brown hair.He moaned at my touch, and I smirked, detaching my lips from his.
"Ryan." He panted, cheeks flushing pink. He looked so hot when he was turned on.
I'm not gay.
This isn't gay.
Suddenly I realised what I had done, and the color drained out of my face.

"I... Shit. Shit. Brendon if anyone finds out about this I'm screwed!" I whispered frantically, stumbling backwards. Brendon seemed completely un-phased.
"Ryan, chill. I'm not gonna tell anyone." He said nonchalantly, trying to flatten his hair down. I glared at him. It shouldn't have bothered me that he didn't care, but I felt the tinniest bit offended.
"You better not. This could ruin my career."
"I know. Do you actually think I'm that shallow that I'd tell people? And it was just a kiss, Ryan. You're over reacting." He frowned, obviously annoyed. I squeezed my eyes shut in hopes that when I opened them again I'll be in my bunk, having just woken up from a weird dream.
"What are you doing..?"
"Goddamn Brendon, can't you shut up? Just get out!" I snapped angrily, slamming my fist against the wall. I heard a scoff, then the door open and close again. Brendon was gone.

****
Flashing lights welcomed me as I stepped into the fancy club. Complete with hip music and semi-famous people, I felt comfortably at home. And not 5 minutes since I arrived, I was greeted by dear Patrick.
"Ryan! Come on, there are people waiting to meet you." He smiled nervously, leading me towards a man and a woman in business clothes. Work hard, work harder, as usual.
"Ryan, I'd like you to meet Paul and Charlotte." Patrick smiled.
"Pleasure to meet you, I'm Ryan." I could act professional if that meant I got to go back to the bus and just sleep after all this.

An hour of discussing publicity and photo shoots dragged by, and even Patrick was looking a bit bored.
"Can I leave now?" I pleaded.
"Oh go on then, I'll finish up here." Patrick sighed, waving his hand in dismissal.

Right, time to find the comfiest chair in here and try get some sleep.

As if I could ever get sleep at a party.

"What's up with you? Why have you been acting so uptight since 2 hours ago." Spencer frowned, grabbing my shoulder gently and swivelling me around to face him. Purple and blue lights danced over the stern expression on his face.
"Uh.. It doesn't matter." I said, raising my voice so he could hear me over the crowd.
"Well actually it does matter." He scoffed.
"It's not fucking important ok? I'm just tired."
"You think I can't tell when something's wrong? Spill Ryan." He said sternly. I glared at Spencer. How did he know something was bothering me. I glanced around quickly to make sure no one was listening, then turned to face him.
"Hypothetically, does kissing a boy make you gay?"
"Well shit man I don't know. I wouldn't think so. Why?"
"I was just.. I just wanted to know. I didn't kiss a boy, or anything." I mumbled, words tumbling out of my mouth before I could think about it. Spencer quirked an eyebrow up.
"Alright. I never said you did, anyway. Is that what was bothering you? Are you like... Gay?"
"No! Don't be stupid Spencer!"
I stared at my shoes waiting for the silence to pass.
"It wouldn't even matter if you were gay. I mean loads of people support homosexuality." He shrugged.
"I'm not. Gay." I growled. Spencer opened his mouth, but I walked away before he could say anything else.

***

"Ryan! Hey," Brendon shouted. I ignored him.
"Ryan. Don't be a dick about this." He said harshly, walking up behind me. I swivelled around.
"I'm not being a dick." I glared. Brendon sighed deeply.
"Ryan, you've been avoided me since the kiss." His brown eyes burned into mine accusingly, and I looked down. I shouldn't feel as guilty as I do.
"Don't say that so loud, Brendon. Jesus, the whole band will know if you don't shut up. I haven't been avoiding you. I've just been busy."
"Busy. Every time I walk into the room you're so busy," he scoffed, making quotation marks in the air when he said busy. "That you just have to leave. That kiss didn't mean a single thing to me, and I was never even going to bring it up again but I guess it's the only way to get through to you! Stop being so fucking immature and GET OVER IT." He yelled. I scowled at him. He barely even knows me and still has the audacity to talk to me like that.
"Look, I'm not avoiding you, and I'm NOT bothered about kissing you. I was bored and you happened to be there. It happened and I haven't even given it a second thought since." I lied. "So if you could STOP accusing me for stupid shit, then maybe I'll stop "avoiding" you. Okay?"
Brendon's expression softened.
"I'm sorry Ryan."
"Ok." I scowled. His expression changed from sorry to hurt, and I sighed.
"I'm sorry for avoiding you." I mumbled.
"It's ok. Don't do it again though, I'm touring with you for 3 months remember? It could get awkward if we ended up not speaking to each other."
I nodded and smiled briefly before walking over to join the rest of my band.

***

Jfc this chapter's so short I'm sorry guys I just have such a writers block thing going on lately and highschool and ugh so much to do ;-; I'll try update more regularly though ❤️