Maybe everything went wrong because I let my guard down and loved him too much and he wasn't mature enough to handle real love. Giving your all to someone is so mentally exhausting. Trust is such a foreign concept for me, and I put that into him. Even after he put me down, cheated, flirted with other woman. And for me to say goodbye to him while loving every inch of him, is what love is. It's being there when he makes you mad or upset. It's staying and fixing problems as they come. It's being real and as honest as you can be. Love isn't rocket science. You either want something with another human or you don't. To me love is being able to admit when your wrong. It's putting the other person first, even when it's stupid and even when you don't want too. Most importantly you have to love yourself before you love another thing. That's where I went wrong. I put love into someone else before I put it into myself. So maybe he wasn't the bad guy, it was just a bad fit. So why is he all I want when I go to sleep at night or eat cereal at 12am or take a bath or go on a hike. Love is so blind that I convinced myself I was not whole without him beside me. What I failed to realize was you don't need another person to feel whole. You are all that you need. I don't know what love actually is, but I think I have a pretty good guess. Don't let yourself fall for a toxic relationship because he says he doesn't want you with anyone else. Why stay with someone that does not want something real with you and doesn't think about how their actions will affect you. You are whole, and strong. Know your worth. Live and learn. But don't stay somewhere you don't feel happy. That's where I went wrong.
