threes better than two//Cockelli

3

Jared was sat on his bed, his shoulders slumped as he stared blankly at the wall. He was cold, but being in just his boxers was more comfortable and he couldn't really be bothered to change  properly after his shower. He was surpised he even got his boxers on. Jared hadn't felt this way in a while and it sucked each and every time. He'd never get used to the depressive episodes. Especially since now they didn't happen as often, so when they did, it just hurt a lot more than it used to when they were regular.

Jared was mad too, because this was terrible timing but his mind didn't care about timing. Hs just had hoped his boys didn't assume that hes distancing himself because of yesterday. That's the last thing he'd do. In fact he wishes he was with them right now but he didn't wanna ruin their moods. Jared could tell Misha and Jensen were happy. He couldn't ruin that for them. He cared too much to do so. Jared didn't wanna be selfish. He guessed that the main thing that triggered this was the fact that he's afraid. Afraid of the judgement. He's been in the closet his whole life, and what if people aren't as accepting as he had hoped? What if they fire him?

Fairly enough they'd fire Jens and Mish too but that would make him feel even worse than if it were just him. This job is all he has, it's his life. Jared leaned forward, gripping his hair as he stands up. Alone isn't good right now. He remembers when Jensen used to tell him "Dude, you'll never bother me with your issues, if you need me I'm here" and Jared was sure that still stood. He hoped so. He needed his boys. Maybe they can help him feel a bit better. Isolating himself surely won't. Jared didn't even bother with clothes, he simply walked right out of his trailer, and started heading for Jensens. Someone walked by him and gave a weird look but he just smiled awkwardly and continued on his way. Pants and shirts are overrated anyways.

Jared didn't even knock, he opened the door, closing it right behind him. Misha and Jensen were cuddled up on the couch, Jensen fast asleep. Misha looked confused, then concerned when he saw that Jared had clearly been crying. "Hey, wait.." Misha says as he carefully gets up, putting a pillow under Jensens head. "What happened?" Misha asks as he walks toward the taller man and Jared only engulfed him in a hug, pressing his face into Mishas neck as he leaned down. "Okay, okay I got you Jay. It's okay." Misha says quietly and Jared couldn't help but cry, his whole body shaking as he did so. "Shh, let it out honey. It's okay." Misha mutters and Jared's heart skipped a beat as he simply held onto the tinier man tighter.

"What happened? C'mon talk to me, it'll feel better." The blue eyed man encouraged, rubbing Jared's back as he did so. "I uh, I-I'm scared. No one, they don't know I'm gay. What if, what if they fire me? I don't wanna be.." Jared said, tears still rolling down his face as Misha grabs his head, holding his face gently to look at him. "Then Jensen and I will be too. You aren't in this alone okay? We don't have to be public about it until we're all ready. It'll be okay, just breathe. I'm out and no one has mentioned it to me, so you'll be fine I'm sure." Misha says calmly and Jared nods, taking in a deep breathe and then letting it out.

"Don't let it tear you apart, it's okay." Misha says again, running his fingers through the taller boys hair to fix it. "Jay?" Jensens tired voice is heard and both of them turn to look at him. "I'm okay Jens, just sad." Jared says and Jensen sits up, concern clear on his face. "Woah woah wait no you're crying. What happened?" Jensen asks, his voice stern with worry. Jared explained it, trying not to get worked up again as he did. "But I'll be okay I just need to let this happen. Depression is something I gotta ride out." Jared states sadly and Misha frowns. "Both of you come here, cuddling fixes most problems c'mon." Jensen says and Jared nods, liking the sound of that.

"Here, you go." Jared says to Misha and he looked confused so Jared physically picked him up, and laid him on Jensen so his back was to Jensens chest and Misha just laughed as Jared laid down, resting his head on his chest. "Jared you're a big baby." Jensen says. He didn't mean it in an insulting way and everyone knew that. "I wanna be little spoon right now, no bullying permitted sir." Jared mumbles into Mishas chest, who simply laughed and wrapped his arms around the taller boy, giggling as he noticed his feet dangling off the edge of the couch. Jensen reached under Mishas arm and started playing with the youngest boys hair, twirling the soft strands between his fingers.