Fireflies

Chapter 16: Restraint

June 17th

Sage 

She got quiet.

When I looked over, the first thing I noticed where her lips.

The bottom was fuller than the top giving her a consistent pout when in deep contemplation.

We were in the last 30 minutes of our ride and she had run out of things to say. So she sat there taking in the scenery around her, occasionally lifting a delicate hand to keep her locs from whipping in her face. It was no use. 

As usual, she didn't shy away from any of my questions. Nothing, it seemed was off limits. I kept it light but now my thoughts drifted towards the elephant in the room: the damn near suffocating sexual tension between us.

I wanted to know of her sexual boundaries, so that I could learn my own limits. Why? Well, it was getting hard to keep my hand just on her thigh.

I wanted...no needed to know if she was just as hungry for me as I was for her. I wanted to know everything she knew of pleasure. Did she like the way my hands felt on her skin? Would she be okay with me moving a bit higher, would she like if I cupped the sweet flesh between her legs and, with my fingers, explored the treasures there? Who, if anyone, had gone exploring before me?

That thought made me clench my jaw.

I felt her hand over mine, the one placed on her thigh. I only then realized that I had slightly gripped her there.

"You good?" she asked lightly, peering over at me.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I'm good."

A few seconds of silence.

"Aryah."

"Yes," she answered breathlessly.

"Have you..." I cleared my throat again. "Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

"When I was younger, I was with a boy named Robert but...we were never ever actually together. He's like my best friend." She chuckled humorlessly. "I told you about my school...the community I grew up in...he and I...we had to stick together. He was...my first...pretty much everything. When I was curious, he...obliged me."

My right hand clenched the steering wheel. I looked over and she averted her eyes. Was she blushing?

"Hey," I called lifting my left hand from her thigh and brushed her cheek. She blessed me with those golden browns. "Don't be all shy with me now," I smirked.

A few beats of silence.

"So he was your first, huh?"

"Yeah."

"If you don't mind, I'd like for you to tell me about it." I paused. "Did you like it?"

"Umm...It was alright, I guess. We only did it maybe twice. Before, we would make out and the first time was just...awful. It was awkward and, quite frankly, a mess. It hurt and it really made me wonder what the fuss was all about. But I read somewhere..."

"You read somewhere? Didn't you have anyone to tell you this face to face, your mom, girlfriends?"

"My mom?" she stared at me pointedly. Right...her absentee mother. 

I nodded my head in understanding.

"So I read somewhere that the first time always sucks, so...we decided to give it another try. It was...better, but something was missing. I mean...it did feel fine..." She struggled to articulate.