poses <3

Dear Strict Parents

if you are like me and feel this deep in your bone we both know this doesn't feel like Christmas at all. It just feels like meeting up with such hypocritical people in one setting only hugging and acting like everything is alright. All the fake smiles you have to show acting like everything is fine. Christmas used to be my fave holiday ever since I was a kid from putting on the star on the tree to seeing all the toys down their. Their used to be genuine smiles coming from me. Like I've said this before I don't know who I am anymore. I'm 17 and still up to this day have series of rules I have to follow from always getting my hair up like I can never have it down to what music I am allowed to listen to. I'm never out and if you see me out it's always with my parents. I gave up asking if I'm allowed to go out somewhere. I have my own Jeep and am not allowed to drive it only to school and work and if I have like a project outside of school my parents will take me. Don't forget I'm 17. I'm 17. All these rules, all these telling me how to live my life is really going to make me be the person they don't want me to. I've said how at the end of the day the only person that has me, is honestly me. I usually cry almost everyday at night. I'm tired of this life. That's why I don't want kids. I'm scared of being the parents I had. So I promised myself a list of what I want to accomplish even when people will be against me because they've held me on a high standard but ask my parents. Nobody believes I will be this person and at the end that I'll thank them. No I won't. I'm going to the person they didn't expect of me to be. I'm going to be that person that will shock people because they thought wrong. 2020 is going to be my year. The year in which I'll be graduating. I'll be entering college. So let me leave it at that. So if you have strict parents I understand you so much. From not being to hang out with friends to isolating yourself because it's just to much you can handle, I totally understand. So I didn't get a present from my mom but I got screamed at but both of them for crying a lot and a whole ass lecture on how bad of a daughter I am, so then they handed me a gift In which I believe was AirPods pro but since they had screamed at me. I didn't take it. I'll just work for them and I'll show them that I don't need them. I don't need a damn thing from them if they are going to act like shit. So I asked my mom if it was okay for me to go get my hair cut and dyed for you know a new me or whatever they do for the New Years and she said no and to stop being a bitch about it. I was like are you shitting me. I wasn't asking for the money because I know it's expensive and shit, I was just asking for permission since you know they are strict and won't allow me to do shit. But I still got a no. I can't wait till I turn 18. I'm not moving the house since they won't even help me pay my tuition for college. So I have to do that all by myself. So when I started working it was going to be for my money. Such wise like clothes new things I liked. But that wasn't the deal. I am in debt with my mom because I don't know like everything I get in the stores such as school wise I have to pay back. I have to pay the insurance and my phone and watch but my watch is broken and my phones screen protector is cracked. So I have to get that fixed. Both of them before I go to Washington. I don't know how to do with everything, it's stressful and I owe my mom $1000. Like WTF. You know what's the worst part is they say you are your true self when you are at home, but that's the place that depresses me. That breaks me. So when my mom tells everyone how I am, why won't she tell her how things actually go down. She always makes herself the victim, so my family members don't even like me. They think I'm always mad and think that I'm lazy. Whatever. I can't wait to just travel and actually find myself. I really don't know who I am. I'm just trying to find myself again little by little. This year I'm going to get tattoos, do my hair, and be that wild person I know I am. The person I was born to be. Not the caged one. The pic below is literally me frustrated with the world and myself. Im slowly starting to believe everybody around me. But we have to prove them wrong. We can do this. We got this. Fighting <3