Judgmental Morons

Prologue

“No, really, you look seriously gorgeous. I just want to make you feel even more beautiful.”

“Oh, please,” Michelle said with a tinkering laugh, “you over-exaggerate.” The girls and I were sitting about six tables away from the couple, yet we could still feel the fakeness in the blonde dude’s voice. All he wanted to do was bang Michelle (who was seriously hot—Blonde, blue eyes, long legs, great curves…you get the picture) and forget about the whole thing the next day.

Too bad he had no idea what awaited him.

Jenna, Terri and I huddled closer to the minuscule speaker placed at the centre of our table, from which Michelle’s voice was drifting out. “…but if you do want us to exchange our Precious Gifts tonight, we’re going to have to be completely honest with each other.” The words “Precious Gift” created a ripple of laughter throughout our table, but we quickly stopped giggling in order to hear what came next. “I’ll tell you mine, and then you tell me yours.”

“Sure, babe,” Blonde Dude said, smiling in an amused way. He obviously thought he was on the road to getting some serious action later in the night. His expression of total unconcern almost made me feel sorry for him.

“Alright,” Michelle took a deep, dramatic breath. “Brace yourself...I used to be a man.”

Blonde Dude’s eyes shot up from the milkshake he’d been sipping, the straw dangling from his mouth.

“I went through surgery to get my gender reversed but halfway through the doctors had to stop because I had an allergic reaction…they managed to pull off the breast implants but they couldn’t get rid of my dick.”

Blonde Dude spit out the milkshake that was in his mouth.

“But that’s not a problem, is it? I mean, you’re not uncomfortable with anal intercourse with a person with boobs, balls, and a dick, are you?”

The three of us were already doubled up with laughter, and the look of fear, disgust, and incredulity on Blonde Dude’s face just made things even more hilarious.

“You…bitch,” he choked out. “You…bitch!!” He stood up fast, knocking over his chair in the process. “Stay away from me, you faggot!” With that, he ran out of the restaurant.

By then, our silent laughter had turned into howls, and Michelle had joined in.

You see, the four of us, residents of Jacksonville, a small town lying near the border of New York(A/N:I made this thing up it doesn't actually exist.), were at New Jersey, visiting Terri’s cousin during the last few weeks of summer. During our first few days, Terri’s cousin, Sarah, told us about how the biggest playboy in her school had pretended to love her before breaking her heart. We all knew about these mainstream playboys, the guys who thought their good looks justified them treating girls like shit. We really felt like teaching these guys a lesson (and we were bored…what are mischief makers like us supposed to do in New Jersey anyway?), so we came up with an ingenious plan.

We decided to create fake profiles of ourselves on online dating sites. Each weekend, one of us would set up a date with one of the “ladies’ guys”. However, instead of letting them savor the pleasure of a one night stand, we’d humiliate the living shit out of them.