JOURNAL ENTRY #1

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December 25th, 2019

Dear Diary:

Even though today is supposed to be all jolly and merry, I just don't feel it. What you may ask could "Kill my Christmas Spirit"? Nothing really, just my lifes dumbstruck progress. My situation is: I've been out of high school for six months now, literally half-a-year, and I've yet to make my first step into the real world. I mean, sure I've went through the job application process, and saw firsthand the reason many people just don't have a job. It's always a leave your resume, fill out this application, apply via email and ultimately wait for a call that's never going to come. Nevertheless, I've endured, although I've gotten nowhere. I mean next year's already here and I got zilch to show out of this one - That is at least no job to show for! I actually am doing good for my first semester in college. It's not a university, and it doesn't have a big campus; a school mascot; a library; a cafeteria; good WiFi reception; decent parking...It's really not much; my college is simply a "Community College", sitting atop a women's boutique, a pancake-all day-everyday-restaurant, and a furniture store. Though it's not much it gets me one step closer to where I want to be in life - That is filtttthy rich.

Right now I'm taking up preporatory classes and to be honest... it still doesn't feel like...like enough. Compared to the person's in my graduating class I am faaaaaaar behind! Most are already working (small jobs like cashing or warehouse), some at university (abroad of course), others owning their own business...and some on a whole 'nother level - getting paid to pose for candid camera - yup models! I know right, so why am I STUCK in this hole. What's even worse is...I saw for the duration of those six months how far ahead they had gotten in life over me. Things like posting selfies of their newfound-campus life, for all to see, which of one I am, really got me. Not after what I did now though. What I did was, deleted all of my " I High School Mates" ( I say that sarcastically) on Facebook. Though It may sound cruel, it's not. It was the best decision I have ever made in my relatively sad life; I really needed a win, and rid that feeling of inadequacy . Even though it's not ALL gone, I feel slightly less depressed. God - I hate this wretched feeling! When will I ever get to that point in my life when I'm in first place. Not second, or third, or fifth, but first place. Guess I'll wait and be patient.

Sincerely,

Someone who's just sharing their story.


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